The Sailor's Way

2009-07-09T07:19:00.001-07:00

I've been noticing lately that Dylan, while still holding on to railings and/or sitting down to scoot on the taller steps, is having no trouble navigating the shallower steps with only his own sense of balance to help him. Earlier this morning, as I was leading him downstairs for a diaper change, I turned to watch what I expected to be a repeat performance of his newly-discovered ability to scoot down the steps (up until a few days ago, he would still get down on hands and feet and climb down backwards). Instead, to my amazement, he stopped at the edge of the step, looked down, and carefully lowered first one foot, then the other to the step below. Then, as if to prove to me it wasn't just a fluke stroke of luck, he proceeded to repeat the process on the next step, and then the third and fourth steps down into the bedroom.

Of course, I suddenly realized how many little things like this were happening every week, sometimes every day, and how many of them I have neglected to record already. What kinds of things am I going to wish I had written down to remember later on, when he's older and having kids of his own? So from now on, I intend to record such things here, no matter how trivial they may seem at the time.

My, how the time does fly...

2008-10-13T15:57:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, after about a week of attempting, he finally figured out the light switch. Every time we leave his room, he wants to turn the light on and off a few times before we go. I get such a kick out of watching him concentrate so hard on the switch, and when he finally gets it he turns around with a huge smile to see the light on!

His dad just came in to tell me he stood up on the porch just now. I've been thinking a lot lately about how, just a few months ago, he was still mastering the crawl and rolling over, and now...he's a cruising, climbing, rumble-tumble, stair-navigating, balancing acrobat! I mean, sure, he still falls and takes a bump to the head at least once a day, but that hasn't stopped him from trying! I've seen him stand myself, for about 5-6 seconds, while fully engrossed in the leaf he'd picked up. He's only 8 months old, but I fully expect him to be walking by Thanksgiving. It'll be such a relief! (For the first week or so, anyway...I've figured that out already) :)

School is school, it's all I can do to keep myself organized and on track, but so far, so good. I'm looking forward to the holidays, and I'm already waiting for next spring, when I'll finally be planting my garden, and hopefully some herb beds along the front of the house. I feel isolated and constantly on the verge of depression...but I'm not giving in without a fight. The most recent thing I've learned from my son is that patience seems easy, but sometimes we (or maybe just some of us) need to constantly remind ourselves to relax and take it one thing at a time.

I don't know if anyone is still checking in on me, but if so, it's nice to see and be seen by you. Peace and blessings, Heather

Solstice

2008-06-21T08:33:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, Dylan figured out how to get up on his hands and knees and push with his feet, although he wasn't getting anywhere. Just now, when he woke up from his nap, he got up on his hands and knees and started rocking back and forth. I can't believe it - four and a half months, and he's almost crawling! Yay!! :)

Today, the town of Blacksburg is holding their first annual Summer Solstice Festival, from midday to midnight. There will be midway games, a sustainable energy parade, several contests for charity, even a flea circus! Since it looks like the weather is going to hold up, it should be a great time. More on that when we return!

Jesus Camp

2008-06-19T20:01:00.000-07:00

So I'm sitting here with my husband and a friend, watching Jesus Camp, and I swear, I want to move as far away from America as possible. These people make me physically ill. I can't even speak...I'll have to try and formulate words to fit my feelings once this experience is over.

Four-month checkup

2008-06-19T16:28:00.001-07:00

Dylan has started doing one of the cutest things I've ever seen him do - when he sees me, he will reach out for me, and when I come close enough, he will grab my face (sometimes pretty hard, lol), pull me in, and give me a great big open-mouth kiss! Sometimes, if he's in a particularly good mood when he does it, I can kiss him under the chin and make him giggle!

He's rolled over both front to back and back to front, although neither Chris nor I have actually witnessed it happen yet. We've put him down to play, on the floor or in his crib, and when we come back, he's flipped over. When I put him down on his back, he has started rocking back and forth and pushing with his feet - he isn't crawling yet, but I think he probably will soon.

At four months old, he's learned the sign for "eat". He doesn't give it consistently yet, but he knows what the word means and will give the sign to me about half the time. He also knows what "up" means - When I say it and hold out my thumbs, he will grab them both and pull himself into a sitting position almost entirely by himself! We're also giving him "diaper" and "more", but he doesn't seem to have figured them out yet.

He loves to bounce! He's very strong, and his legs are HUGE, so bouncing seems to come naturally to him now. We were home visiting our families two weeks ago, and my mom pulled out the Johnny Jump-Up I (and my sister, and my brother) used when we were babies:

He's burbling, mostly open vowel sounds, although since about two months old he's consistently made one that sounds awfully close to "oh, good". He's also learned how to blow raspberries! Those are always fun in public, lemme tell you :)

Stats: as of two weeks ago, he is 27 inches long, 17 lbs and 4 oz. His length is off the charts, and his weight is in the 95th percentile. Some people don't believe me when I tell them he's only four months old! He's gotten heavy enough that I can no longer carry him to the store, although I still carry him around the house and if we take the bus downtown.

And, of course, he just keeps getting cuter every day!

New kid in town

2008-06-08T09:08:00.001-07:00

My sister, who is a practicing Pagan, has started an online journal to discuss the state of religion in America. It's fairly new (there are only two entries so far), but worth a look, and I know she welcomes comments from all viewpoints. Check it out!

Two years and counting...

2008-05-16T21:18:00.000-07:00

I just realized I've had this blog now for just over two years, and I've written some pretty damn good posts. I'm going to have to try a little harder to stay on par, because I've also realized that I'm so wrapped up in my son that I hardly think about anything else that happens to me anymore. It would be nice to have the kind of clarity of thought I seemed to have in the past. So with that said, I intend to write a little more regularly, and on a slightly more diverse range of subjects...but not tonight, since it's after midnight and I should have gone to bed an hour and a half ago. Goodnight, all! :)

Three-month checkup

2008-05-16T11:11:00.001-07:00

School's out! I finished two classes this semester with A's in both and a 3.88 overall GPA for the year. How I managed it while simultaneously learning to be a mom is beyond me, but I must be doing something right!

Dylan is now three months and ten days old, well over fifteen pounds, grabbing his toys with a fair degree of accuracy, vocalizing like crazy, and generally charming the hell out of everyone he meets :) Here are some pictures:

What big eyes you have!

Hangin' wit my homey!

What a big smile!

Sitting up well, but not yet on his own

There really isn't much to say as far as his development....he's a baby, doing baby things, you know? He takes up most of my time and I'm constantly behind on everything I want to accomplish, but I don't mind. I'm pretty patient.

Until next time...

It's a boy!

2008-02-13T13:24:00.001-08:00

Hi all! Sorry I've been away for so long, but it was all worth it.....say hello to Dylan, the newest addition to the Taylor clan!

Dylan Thomas Taylor, born February 6, 2008 at 12:27 p.m.
8 pounds 7 oz. and 21 inches

Going home from the birthing center two days later

I'm so handsome!

Four days old and I'm already smiling!

He's a great baby, very alert and (mostly) calm, and he's already sleeping 3-4 hours at a stretch during the night. He was back up to his birth weight by day five. Breastfeeding has been challenging and we still don't have it down perfect, but we're working on it, and it's going well. Some labor and delivery highlights: I was in labor for a total of 15 1/2 hours, from my first contraction to Dylan being born. The only drug I had was a combo narcotic/antagonist called Nubain (it's like Demerol, but weaker and without the potential harmful side effects). I went into labor at 9 pm on my due date, so by the time I went into the birthing center, I had been up for about 24 hours and I was exhausted. I could still feel the contractions, but the Nubain let me rest during the active phase of labor. I went through transition and pushing completely drug-free. I only pushed for about 15 or 20 minutes because once I found a good position Dylan went from a +1 station (that's just past the center of my pelvic bone) to a little bit of head showing in one push. I watched the birth in a mirror, which really helped me concentrate on pushing him out, and my husband cut the cord afterwards. The only hitch came at the very end; Dylan's shoulders didn't rotate all the way and they got stuck coming out, so I ended up with three major tears (none of which, according to my doctor, were as bad as an episiotomy would have been). Oh well, no delivery will ever be perfect!

I'd love to tell you all about my experiences as a new Mom, but right now I'm just too tired :) I'll try and catch up again soon, but for now let me say I am loving (almost) every minute with my son!

Okay, okay....

2007-10-24T17:37:00.000-07:00

Alright already, I'm updating!

Everything is fine. (You know what fine stands for, don't you? Fucked Up, Insecure, Neurotic and Emotional...) Seriously though, even though life's not perfect (when is it ever?), things are going well. I'm now six months pregnant and getting big enough to have trouble sitting down and standing up again. My classes are getting a bit more challenging. I'm considering going to the Dean of Students and asking for some leniency on my exam times - I had an exam this morning that was hell to get through, 50 minutes of almost continuous writing with the baby poking me in the ribs every few minutes. Class isn't so bad, I can take a break from notes every so often and stretch out, but it's much harder to do during an exam. 15 minutes extra would give me the chance to get up and stretch for a minute if I need to. Baby found a spot about a week ago just under my left breastbone that it seems to favor, and ever since it's been up in there at least once a day. Depending on what I'm doing, the feeling ranges anywhere from mildly uncomfortable to downright painful, and the only thing that (usually) helps is lying down on my right side and hoping gravity will dislodge the little heathen!

It's turning cold here, and today it rained, the first real rain we've had in months, which is good. We've been going through a pretty heavy drought all summer. I've been feeling a little bit of the cold weather blues, as usual this time of year, but I'm working through it as best I can.

And that's about all I have for you today, friends and neighbors! The day-to-day stuff doesn't seem very interesting to me, I guess...it's just, you know, every day stuff. So...later!! ;)

Has it really been six weeks??

2007-09-04T18:53:00.001-07:00

Thanks to Kristen's new blog platform, I can say with certainty it's been 6 weeks, 6 days, 4 hours and 42 minutes since I posted last. Thanks, Kristen, for the inadvertent wake up call!

Things are going well. I started classes at VT a few weeks ago. I'm knee deep in agriculture - Ag Crops, Ag Economy, Soils, and a calculus class I'll probably end up not even needing. I've started out as a soils major, but my advisor (who's also my ag crops professor and an all around great guy) advised me that as a biology enthusiast I was better off in agroecology. He's probably right. I went to my first Agronomy Club meeting today - not sure what it's all about, but it seems like fun. I'm also trying to get a part-time paid temp position in the genomics lab here, helping to harvest their soybean crops. That'll look great on a resume!

They say you should always balance school with social activities to get a well-rounded college experience. Luckily for me, my husband must be the luckiest guy on the planet. Wanna know what he won with a $5 raffle ticket? How about season football tickets, 25 rows up on the 40 yard line, and a parking pass for the lot right next to the stadium! Yeah, it's gonna be a good season.

So I'm now 18 weeks pregnant, almost at the halfway point, and guess what? I'm already showing! That's not supposed to happen yet! Check it out:

Please ignore the polka-dot boxers, what can I say, they're comfy. And, even though you can't see it, I've gone from a 34A to a 34C...lord knows where I'll be when this is all said and done...I'm gonna need a serious shopping trip soon, my clothes don't fit anymore!

We're going home this weekend for a family reunion (on my side). Many of these people we haven't seen since the last reunion last summer, and I haven't seen any of them since I found out about the baby, not even my parents. This should be interesting.

Lots of love...free hugs everyone!

The Details

2007-07-18T14:09:00.000-07:00

Okay all, I promised to fill in the holes, so here's a not-so-brief synopsis of what I've been up to, and how/when I found out I was gonna have a little one. Probably best if I record it for posterity anyway...

Chris had a nice graduation weekend, all in all. My mom came down for a few days, as did my sister and brother-in-law, and Chris's parents and sister came down for the ceremony on Saturday. He looked great in his cap and gown! He's taking two online classes right now to finish off the degree, and looking to apply for grad school next fall. The day after graduation was Mother's Day, and with my mom and sister both down, it was the best Mother's Day we could have had! The three of us haven't spent a Mother's Day together in a very long time. Of course, we did what we always do when the three of us are together - we went book shopping. We all hate to shop, but we love bookstores! We had our bonfire that night, which went really well; I think I've mentioned that in a previous post. Little did I know, at that point, I had already conceived; from then on, it was only a matter of time...

Some of you may already know I was planning to head home for a few weeks in late May/early June to spend some time with my Dad and housesit for him while he and my stepmom took a vacation of their own. Chris and I drove up on May 25 for the weekend and as it was Memorial Day weekend and T had never been to D.C., she came with us.

We spent Saturday walking around the city, taking in the sights. We saw the Hope Diamond at the Natural History Museum; walked right up to the Washington Monument and leaned against its side; sat with our feet in the pool at the new WWII Memorial and contemplated the price of world peace; climbed the steps of the Lincoln Monument to look the man in the eyes, and read the words he spoke as our country struggled for its identity; passed along the Vietnam Memorial Wall with its bevy of flags, flowers and pictures of remembrance; saw the White House from afar, hurling cheerful epithets at its current tenant; and finally returned, weary and footsore, to the subway and then home. I don't think I've had a better Memorial Day weekend; certainly I've never had the opportunity to spend a day like that in the nation's capital, even though I grew up less than half an hour from it. Amazing, the things you take for granted in life.

They dropped me off Sunday at my Dad's house and headed back home, since Chris had to go back to work that Monday, but I was looking forward to two plus weeks "out in the sticks", right on the Potomac river at the end of a dirt road, far from everything. My dad has lived down there since I was about six, but I'd never spent more than a few days at a time there, visiting every other weekend until I was 13, not at all until I was 16 (long story short, we had a big fight), and sporadically after that. We've been building a relationship for the past three years or so, now that we've both had some time to grow up (and I say that in the nicest possible way, my dad's a great guy, just took him a bit to figure some things out, you know?), and I'm really glad it's worked out that way.

Anyway, I spent a week hanging out around the house, relaxing and taking in the scenery. Early next Saturday morning, they saddled up their Harley Roadster and took off down the road for Tennessee, where they would be spending a week and a half touring the caves of the Blue Ridge. It was their first real vacation in about 18 years, not to mention they've been taking care of both her parents for over a year now, so a well-deserved and much-needed break was just the thing. From all accounts, they really had a blast! I, on the other hand, had the dutiful task of looking after the house and all its inhabitants, which consisted of three dogs, a billy goat, and my stepmom's father, who could pretty much look after himself (her mother was spending the time with my stepbrother). It got a little lonely after that, although somehow the days went by. The following weekend picked up a little; my dad has a couple of weekend neighbors from Arlington who'd had a party the night I got there, really chill people, who invited me on Saturday to an arts & crafts festival near where I grew up, on the other side of the county. I found some great prints from a local nature photographer that I keep forgetting to frame...oh, well, maybe when we move.

My trip home overlapped my dad's by a couple of days, due to the fact that Chris and I had our own Tennessee vacation planned for the weekend of June 15 - Bonnarooooooooooooo! Rather than make Chris drive the 5+ hours one way to come get me right before the 8+ hour trip to Manchester, I arranged ahead of time to travel home in relays. First up, my dear friend Fletcher (I thank you, my pwca!) drove down Monday evening to get me, staying for dinner (I think...Red Lobster? yeah, the snow crabs...weird) then driving back to the suburbs for a restful night in his abode. Next morning, we struck out west to see an old friend who'd moved out near Winchester last year and set up shop (literally...he's a blacksmith). Fletch hadn't seen the place yet (Chris and I had been up several weekends, for the already quasi-legendary bonfires), so we wandered around for a bit, catching up. It's a neat piece of property, formerly a dairy farm, two acres with a 1700's stone cottage (eventually to be made livable again), a barn (now the workshop), a dairy house (combination office/crashpad), chicken coops (being used for free range heirlooms) and an old storage shed (eventually to be a guest house). It really is an amazing place, lots of good vibes. Too soon, however, it was time for all to say good-bye, as Fletcher headed home and I got a ride south a ways, to where Chris had driven up to meet us.

Ah, how good it felt to be behind the wheel of my own car again!

We had a third passenger on the way home, a girl who was hitchhiking down to Bonnaroo for a paid job offer (not bad, since most people work as volunteers). We couldn't take her all the way since we weren't leaving until the next day, but we took her as far as Christiansburg (the town between ours and I-81). We went home, I unpacked, and after dinner we passed out. Some friends of ours drove down in the morning and that afternoon, once I was repacked, we all took off for the festival. We drove straight through, getting to the gate in the wee hours of the morning. We'd expected to wait in line until they actually opened the gates at 7 a.m. Thursday, but apparently so many people had been camping out in the nearby Walmart parking lot that they called the people in charge and insisted they open early. (We learned that afterwards, we were just surprised they were letting us in when they did.) As such, we were "in line" for less than an hour. Our first Bonnaroo, back in 2003, we were in line for 15 hours. Crazy!

See, it works like this - there's a central festival grounds, called Centeroo, which holds three main stages, two main tents, and a score of smaller/specialty stages and tents. There's a vendor's village for wares, lots of food vendors scattered around the edges, crazy art here and there, even a Ferris Wheel. Surrounding this mecca of art, culture and music are almost 200 acres of parking and campgrounds. They park the cars in rows with about 25 or 30 feet of space between them, in which everyone pitches their tent and sets up camp. Some people, the unfortunate ones, end up in the far-flung pods and have quite a long walk to get to Centeroo; we were fortunate enough to be fairly close, although not as close as last year, when we could hear Tom Petty, Cypress Hill and Buddy Guy, among others, from the stage closest to our campsite. The lineup this year was killer - Tool headlined Friday night, The Police on Saturday, and Widespread Panic closing things out on Sunday - the kind of eclectic mix Bonnaroo is known for, and that's only three shows out of over a hundred. We saw The Roots cover "Roxanne" the day before we saw The Police do it live; the Flaming Lips put on a fantastic late-night show Friday; we even managed to get almost front row for Bob Weir & Ratdog and Ziggy Marley on their respective days. Yes sir, something for everyone...never a dull moment!

Side note - I just went on the Bonnaroo site to see if I'd forgotten anything, and ended up in the photo gallery...anyone interested in seeing what it's like is strongly urged to check out www.bonnaroofest.com/gallery, there are pictures of the "festival atmosphere" from each day along with pictures of most of the acts!

It wasn't all fun and games, though. Starting Friday, and continuing throughout the weekend, I became horribly nauseous. It was unrelentingly hot, with no shade in camp but what we could devise ourselves, and since there hadn't been any rain in weeks, it was also terribly dusty. I couldn't eat, or barely drink; I found myself suffering through the worst of the days just to go and see the shows at night. I wanted to blame my sickness on the heat and the dust, maybe dehydration, and did just that for everyone else, but in the back of my mind something else was bothering me...I'd been expecting my period to start that weekend, and every day it didn't made me worry a little bit more. I didn't mention my concerns to anyone at the time, especially Chris, although halfway through the weekend, when after an hour of me sipping Gatorade and practically melting in the shade of a blue tarp he jokingly asked if I was pregnant, I came pretty close to answering maybe.

We finally started packing up Monday morning, and within a few hours we were back on the road. By Tuesday morning, when the nausea hadn't subsided with the heat and I still hadn't started, I decided knowing was better than not knowing. I already had a home pregnancy test, all I had to do was use it, and after several minutes of trying so hard not to think about it that it became all I could think about, I went back to check the results, and there it was - a second line, faint, but there nonetheless. Such a tiny precursor to the monumental task of parenthood! I took some false hope in the faintness of the positive line - suppose it was a false positive? I didn't really believe it, though, not after everything else, and it didn't take long for reaction to set in. Shock hit me first, swift and hard - I felt a half step removed from myself, staring in the mirror at someone else's face, wandering around the house in a daze, not sure what was going on. This dissolved rather quickly into fear - a terrible, paralyzing fear that left me shaking and crying on the couch, thinking to myself, what am I going to do? This can't be happening, it's not the right time, please let this not be happening, not with school about to start, my dream of finishing college finally within my reach, and we're broke, my god, we have no money, no health insurance, nothing, we can't do this, please, it's just a dream, I'll wake up and it'll all be a dream, please....

But it wasn't a dream. And with that realization, I took the first step towards acceptance.

I wasn't going to tell anyone, not even my husband, until I knew for sure. I had planned on getting another home test and checking again in a few days, dropping Chris off at work the next day and going to the store by myself, leaving him none the wiser. I told him this when he came home from work, trying to pretend nothing was out of the ordinary, until later in the evening when he suddenly said, "Why don't we go to the store now?" Well, that stumped me for a minute - how to get out of this one? "I don't think that's going to work," I said. "Why not?" he asked me, and I decided to tell him.

"Well," I said - and couldn't help cracking a smile, somewhat bitter but still sincere - "I think I'm pregnant."

He didn't say anything, just looked at me for a second, then he smiled a rather disbeliving smile and gave me a big hug. There wasn't much to say, really; he knew as well as I did how dismal the timing was, but at the same time, he knew how long I've been waiting for this, I'm sure - the nights when I would cry myself to sleep because with so much school still to come I doubted I'd ever be a mother, as few as they were, had always been met with understanding and a modicum of sympathy. Yeah, I think he knew how I felt. I wasn't sure how he felt about it, but the smile was definitely encouraging. In fact, it was his suggestion that I go down to the Planned Parenthood clinic to find out for sure, which turned out to be what needed to happen. When I called to see if I needed an appointment, I spoke to a really nice and helpful woman who gave me several important pieces of information, including the fact that Medicaid is guaranteed for pregnant women and I would need a confirmation letter from the clinic to apply. So that's what I did - they confirmed the pregnancy, figured my approximate due date, and told me to start taking my prenatal vitamins. Then I took that letter to the Social Services office to apply for Medicaid, the WIC program and food stamps, whatever help I thought I might be eligible for, because every little bit helps! Turns out I wasn't eligible for food stamps, but Medicaid and WIC were approved (which is good, because now that the nausea is subsiding somewhat, I'm eating like a horse!).

For the most part, everyone was excited at the news. We were going to keep it secret for a while, until we got everything in order, but soon realized that was next to impossible. My parents were both cautiously happy, knowing full well what our circumstances are (Mom reminded me of Mother's Day, in the bookstore, when she made a comment about, 'see, you need to hurry up and have a daughter! ...Wait, never mind, you don't have to do any such thing...'; the first question my dad asked me: "Is that good news?"), but they also had their first child (me) earlier than expected, so they know what it's like. Chris was funny when he told his mom - he was like, "we're having a baby, I know we can't afford it right now and it's not the best time, so let's just not talk about that part, okay?"

I had my first ultrasound on Tuesday. The clinic had given me a due date of February 20, based on the approximate date of my last period, but the ultrasound showed otherwise. Turns out I'm now 11 weeks pregnant, two more than I had originally thought. They upped my due date from Feb. 20 to Feb. 5, so unless I go into labor early (which I hear is very rare for first timers), we'll definitely have another February birthday to add to the dozen-odd already in my family. A week early would be nice, though, since our wedding anniversary falls on the 28th of January... wouldn't that be cool, to have your first child on your anniversary?

Chris and I had an interesting discussion yesterday about responsibility. See, as an individual human being, you are ultimately responsible for yourself. In a relationship, however, particularly a long-term one such as a marriage, you are also responsible for your partner, although the degree of responsibility can vary. Taking care of each other's basic needs - food, clothing, shelter - is not enough to sustain a lasting bond between two people. There are emotional, psychological and physical needs as well. Communication of those needs specific to each person, therefore, is crucial, as they cannot be met by another until they are known. Therein lies the difficulty that ends most marriages. I would venture to say that many people don't know themselves well enough to know what they need from another person, or if they do, they don't know how to express it, expecting instead for the other person to somehow be able to assume or deduce the answers on their own (this is my problem). This idea of taking responsibility for another becomes even more relevant when you consider that it can also be applied to parenting, and the bond formed between parent and child, although this is more one-way at first as a newborn cannot conciously fulfill the needs of its parent. Nevertheless, it's become a goal for the two of us to work towards, figuring out our responsibilities for each other in order to prepare for the responsibilities we will have for our child.

And so life goes on. It still hasn't really sunk in yet, this idea that I'm going to be a mother in six months; seeing the heartbeat of that tiny two-inch fetus on the ultrasound has been the most compelling thing, the only time it seemed completely real, but only while it was happening. Otherwise, day to day routine is mostly the same. I'm preparing for classes, getting all my transcripts in order and my schedule worked out, trying to decide if it's worth auditioning for the choir when I'll only be there for half the year. Chris is working full 40 hour weeks building dorm furniture in addition to the online classes to try and put some money away. With freshman move-in coming up, he'll be working even harder. We're both looking forward to autumn - the crispness of the air, the radiant colors of the foliage, the frenzy of football season, the relative ease of my second trimester - it's never been my favorite season, but this year it just might be.

And so life goes on.

work in progress

2007-07-14T07:40:00.001-07:00

I'm working on a draft of all the events of the past two months, as promised...but it's going to be long. It's already long, and I'm only about 2/3 done. I should have it up in a few days, so check back, you won't wanna miss it!

:)

Help!

2007-06-29T16:15:00.000-07:00

Hey guys...I've just been reading through some older posts and the subsequent comments, and realizing just how much I've retreated into my own head in the last six months or so...should I be as worried about this as I am currently? Because at this rate, I think therapy is the only thing that's going to help me...

Wow, I can't believe I just wrote that. Then again, there's so much shit going on right now, I don't even know where to begin. And so it stays in my head. Which makes me feel completely isolated. And I know that's not a good thing. I guess we'll see if being in "real" college again changes that. Hell, maybe I'm just more scared of that than I realize. Or maybe I'm not a psychologist and have no idea what I'm talking about. Who knows?

NEWS

2007-06-28T11:34:00.000-07:00

I'm pregnant!

That's all I'm going to say at the moment. Hell, it's about all I can say, since I still don't really believe it myself...although the nausea is a pretty constant reminder.

Sorry I've been away for so long. I didn't have Internet access until about two weeks ago, which is about how long I've known. I'll try to fill in the blanks later.

Stranger than Fiction

2007-05-19T01:44:00.000-07:00

I wanted to give you an update on what's been happening here. It's a strange story, but like they say, truth can be stranger than fiction! It goes something like this:

Two weeks ago, I was working the night shift here at the hotel when I got a phone call from Chris at about 4 am. Someone had flipped their truck right in front of our house. The guy and girl in the truck weren't seriously hurt, so Chris called the police and took care of them, took them to breakfast, and helped get everything settled. When they came to pick me up the next morning, I had just finished the flyers for our graduation bonfire (Chris graduated!) happening the next weekend, so we invited them to come by.

Well, the girl showed up, and had a great time, along with everyone else. (The bonfire went exceptionally well!) I had to work the next evening, but when I got home, she was at the house again, in bad shape. There had been a guy who showed up uninvited to our party looking for her; she asked us not to let him back, and we didn't think much of it at the time, but we found out when she came back that not only was she living with him, but he was beating up on her pretty regularly. We didn't even have to think about it; we needed a roommate, she needed a safe place to get out of a bad situation. We moved her in on an air mattress that night and went to the house to get the rest of her things the next day. We were expecting possible complications with facing a drunk abusive now ex-boyfriend, but thankfully nothing went awry.

It's been a few days now, and so far it's pretty smooth sailing. It just felt like the right thing to do. It still does. T (since that's what I'm gonna call her, for privacy's sake) is relatively young, still six months away from being a legal adult, but she's been through so much already that it's difficult to tell. She's one of the happiest people I've ever met, though, and she's beautiful, both inside and out. There's so much potential in this girl! She's quick, smart, and so good-hearted. She's been volunteering to do housework since she moved in, even though we told her she didn't have to, because she wants to give back and contribute in some way. And the most incredible thing is I see so much of what I've been though when we talk about her life, and I consider myself incredibly lucky to be able to pass some of the wisdom I've gained through my own experiences to someone who will appreciate where it's coming from. The only word to describe it is serendipitous. This can only turn out good. We're helping her find a better job right now, something close to home since there's still only one car for the household, but eventually she wants to get her license. She also wants her GED so she can go to college for physical therapy, and since I want to home school my children someday and could use the practice, I'm more than willing to help her study. I want to teach her everything I know, anything she wants to learn. I want to see her succeed.

God, I love finding good people in the world!

A fond memory

2007-05-06T16:50:00.000-07:00

I was sitting on the front porch this afternoon, leaning over the rail, indulging in the warm brightness of the spring sun's rays. I closed my eyes for a moment and suddenly, vividly recalled lying on my beach towel in the sand at Cocoa Beach, hearing the waves break, feeling the sun warm on my face and the breeze blowing across my brow, smelling and tasting the salt in the air. It was one of the only times in my life so far I was totally and completely at peace, if only for a moment. That was on my Senior Class trip, seven years ago now, and I still remember it like it was yesterday.

I love springtime!

boys! raise giant corn plants in your sink drain!

2007-05-06T16:45:00.000-07:00

Yesterday morning, my hubby went into the bathroom and saw something green poking out of the sink drain. Apparently, a corn kernel (probably from the mouse feed I use - I wash their food bowls in that sink - but I swear I don't ever remember any leftover corn going down!) had lodged in the drain, germinated hydroponically, and actually started growing:

What's interesting, at least for me, is having done a lecture section and a lab on plant reproduction and growth in Biology this semester and then finding something like this, out of nowhere. An amazing testament to the tenacity and adaptive ability of life in general, don't you think?

Cry Freedom

2007-05-03T08:49:00.000-07:00

How can I turn away?
Brother, sister go dancing through my head
Human as to human
The future is no place to place your better days

Cry freedom, cry
From a crowd 10,000 wide
Hope laid upon hope
That this crowd will not subside
Let this flag burn to dust
And a new, a fair design be raised
While we wait head in hands, hands in prayer
And fall into a dreamless sleep again
And we wave our hands

Hands and feet are all alike
But gold between Divide us
Hands and feet are all alike
But fear between Divide us
All slip away

There was a window and by it stood
A mirror in which he could see himself
He thought of something
Something he had never had but hoped would come along
Cry freedom, cry
From deep inside, where we are all confined
While we wave hands in fire
Wave our hands

Hands and feet are all alike
But gold between Divide us
Hands and feet are all alike
But fear between Divide us
All slip away

In this room stood a little child
And in this room this little child she would remain
Until someone might decide
To dance this little child across this hall
Into a cold, dark space
Where she might never trace her way across
This crooked mile, across this crooked page
Cry freedom, cry
From deep inside, where we are all confined
Till we wave our hands

How can I turn away?
Brother, sister go dancing through my head
Human as to human
The future is no place to place your better days

~Dave Matthews

P.S. ~ Fletcher, thanks for letting me borrow this album...and I'll bring it back soon, I promise!

More Tragedy

2007-04-22T14:24:00.000-07:00

Cayla, my beautiful sweet black rat, passed away sometime last night. I went in to feed her and Briea before work today and found her still and cold by the cage door. I don't know what happened; she was fine when I saw her last, eating well, active, not putting out any warning signs that something like this was about to happen. I didn't want to take care of her alone, but Chris was already at work, so I had to. I put her in a cardboard box and buried her in the backyard with tears and a silent farewell. I will miss her terribly. She was the most adventurous little thing I'd ever seen. She figured out early on, and quite accidentally, that a 3-foot fall from the kitchen table to the floor wouldn't hurt her; from then on, she never wanted to stay put. She was smart, affectionate, playful and fearless...the dog was more scared of her than she was of him! I know Briea will miss her sister as well. I hope she can make it through this. I don't know if I can handle losing both of them at once. I will post a picture as soon as I get home to my own computer.

Favorite Quote #4

2007-04-21T16:47:00.000-07:00

Perhaps to help frame my preceding thoughts, I give you a very few of the words which helped to define them:

Mike looked unhappy. "It was what I started out to do. I is not what I am trying to do now. Father, I know that you were disappointed in me when I started this."
"Your business, son."
"Yes. Self. I must grok each cusp myself alone. And so must you . . . and so must each self. Thou art God.'"
"I don't accept the nomination."
"You can't refuse it. Thou art God and I am God and all that groks is God, and I am all that I have ever been or seen or felt or experienced. I am all that I grok."

~Robert A. Heinlein, Stranger In A Strange Land

Personal Thoughts in the Aftermath

2007-04-21T16:07:00.000-07:00

I just want to let everyone know that we are okay.

I have so many questions, and I don't know where to turn for answers. I see the world through many different dimensions; I'm even tempted, in my youth and possible ignorance, to presume I know things some people will never learn, no matter how long they exist in this time and space. Ideas about life and the nature of existence that only an open mind can contemplate. Fletcher has always said I underestimate myself, and I'm starting to think maybe he's right.
But am I "enlightened"? Absolutely not; I'm constantly frustrated by how much I don't understand. But, as they say, the wise man knows he knows nothing...so am I enlightened? How can you answer a question that answers itself?

Coelho calls it a Personal Legend, King calls it ka, Heinlein calls it grokking...call it destiny, fate, free will, or whatever, each of us will follow a path with a beginning and an end. I believe we each have a path that belongs to us only, and finding it is our life's happy destiny, our Personal Legend, our ka. So.....how do we find it? Does it call us, always beckoning, waiting only for us to hear? Or does it sit silent, calmly contemplating eternity, hardly noticing (if at all) when we stumble across? How do we choose the path we're destined for? How do we know?

I've lost my voice, it seems; my thoughts come out instead as words on a page. Every one that coalesces towards intelligible communication has a million half-formed and fleeting, yet no less important, behind it. Life has taken on a strange surreal quality as a result of what's happened here. The words are full yet slow in coming. I am patient.

I don't grieve for an individual victim; I grieve with the community and I weep at our strength and love and hope and my gratitude to be a part of it. I feel my resolve strengthen and my vision expand. I don't yet know what it is I'm looking for, or where my path will take me, but I believe now more than ever that I will know when I have found it.

I love you all.

I don't know where I'm going, but I sure know where I've been

2007-04-15T14:18:00.000-07:00

It's raining outside. It's been raining steadily most of the day. Now it's interspersed with snow - big, fat white blobs that pelt out of the sky like wads of cotton candy. Now they fall faster, thirty seconds of blizzard; now they drop back. The temperature is dropping steadily. I stare out the window in a trance. Have I ever seen snow this strange, this lovely? I don't believe I have.

I've been accepted into Virginia Tech's College of Agriculture and Life Sciences, official as of a few days ago. My sense of achievement is somewhat overshadowed by more pressing financial issues, but I am nonetheless proud of achieving a goal I set out almost three years ago. I know this is a milestone, something I will look back on in later years and remember as a turning point, and so wait to grok in fullness.

Thoughts of the future weigh heavy upon me. Thoughts of the past, however, especially recently, are much lighter. Yesterday saw the second of two day hikes for the backpacking class I'm taking. It threatened rain, but none fell until after we were home. We went to Dragon's Tooth, a section of the AT near Roanoke, 5 miles up and back. It was foggy when we reached the top, but cleared enough soon after to reveal most of the next ridge and the valley below us. Kelly's Knob, where we'd liked the Saturday before, had been blanketed in 2 inches of snow, with more drifting down on us, rather heavily at the top. It was wonderful. Our "final" overnight hike will be in two weeks. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for good weather; I don't mind hiking in the rain and cold, but I'd rather not sleep in it, thank you!

And now I'm off again - presumably, to check in on old friends and new. So much time, and so little to do...wait, scratch that, reverse it...

:)

I'm too tired to care about a silly title

2007-02-20T14:17:00.000-08:00

DD dropped me a message the other day asking about my classes, and it reminded me I haven't posted in a while. Working and taking classes (both full-time) at the same time is a lot harder than I thought it would be, lemme tell ya...

Classes are going pretty well. I've had my first round of tests, and I came out with an A and two B's. Still waiting on my first Bio test, I'll get it back tomorrow, but I'm not worried about that one. I'm still thinking about taking summer classes, NRCC offers organic chem as a 10-week course, but I don't know if my schedule will work out.

R.I.P. Wilson

My betta is no more. He went to the rice paddy in the sky. I don't know why.

Children of Men

If you have not yet seen this movie, go find it in your local art theatre. Or make sure to rent it later. I don't care, just go see it. Just make sure you haven't been doing anything that tends to make you depressed before you see it; it'll do that quite nicely on its own. This movie's brutal. But totally worth it.

Do What You Have to Do

I hope Chris finds a decent job soon so I can quit this one. I feel so creatively stifled here! Compared to my last hotel job, this place is so run-down and sad. I do busy work that I shouldn't have to be responsible for just because I'm not supposed to be studying on the clock; thankfully my boss usually leaves about 3 hours into my shift and I can sometimes get some homework done after all. Sometimes, though, I just can't muster the energy to focus. This place drains me. The paycheck helps keep the bills current, though...that's why I'm here.

And so ends my thoughts of the day.

Dear Diary

2007-01-25T20:58:00.000-08:00

Life is good.

I had a great holiday! Chris and I went home to MD to spend Christmas with our families. We spent the day with my dad and stepmom the day before. I wish I could get up to see them more. Christmas morning we opened presents with Chris's family, then he stayed there while I went to the big family gathering at my mom and stepdad's house. Later that night, after all the extended family had gone home, Chris came over and we opened the rest of our presents from my family. I'm not really a materialistic person, but I got some kick-ass gifts! Most exciting was the LOTR box set, which I specifically asked for, and which I spent about a week watching (along with all the accompanying documentaries). I also got a bird feeder from my mom-in-law, and five of the field guides from the Audubon Society. I can't wait for spring!

Chris left the day after Christmas to come home (he had to go back to work), but I stayed for the rest of the week and visited all my friends. Most exciting was when my sister and I spent an evening over in Woodbridge, hanging out with a friend from high school we hadn't seen in about five years. He had my junior yearbook, which I spent a delightful hour browsing through, remembering a lot of good times I had completely forgotten about. It was surprisingly liberating, to realize how different high school actually was from the way I remember it. I also got to spend a day with Fletcher, which also doesn't happen often enough. I miss you, Puck! I even got to hang out with my little brother and his friend Jake, both of whom have turned into incredibly well-rounded and interesting young men. They're 15 now, and both pretty mature for their age. I seriously wish I could be around more often.

Two days before Christmas, Chris was changing the oil in our car when it popped out of gear, rolled off the ramps, down a hill, and into a tree. That's all she wrote - no more Echo. I was heartbroken...I bought that car three years ago, with three miles on it, and I thought I was going to have it until it died. Well, I guess I did, huh? I just thought it would be another ten years or so before it gave up the ghost. Thankfully, there were no serious injuries, although it ran over Chris's knee and and he scraped up his back on the gravel. He limped for a few days, then he was okay. The insurance company paid for a rental, so we were able to go home and see our families, and Toyota financed us for a new Scion. You know, repeat business and all that. Not a bad car, when it's all said and done, but it does have one major drawback...it's white. I can't STAND white cars! But oh, well, beggars can't be choosers, and at least I have power windows and mirrors now. Can't really complain about that.

I got a job last week. I'm working full-time at the hotel right up the street from my house. Not a bad job, really, but I don't think I'm going to be full-time for long. I have almost no time to do my homework, and this semester I absolutely cannot afford to screw up. Why, you ask? Well, I had an admissions appointment today with a counselor from VT, and she told me that as long as my mid-semester grades are anywhere close to my grades from last semester, I'm in. I'M IN!!!! I'm going to Tech in the fall!! WOOOOOHOOOOO!!! :) That's very exciting (duh). I can't tell you how glad I am to be back in school. I actually got depressed after New Years', because I was so bored. I was sleeping 14 hours a day. Not cool.

My mom drove me home New Years' weekend, and my sister and brother-in-law came with. They only stayed overnight, but I got to take them on a short hike up to Wind Rock, which is on the Appalachian Trail, and it has a great view of the mountain range. Even in the wintertime it's breathtaking. The road up to Wind Rock also goes through Mountain Lake resort, the location where Dirty Dancing was filmed. Mom thought that was pretty cool. I took them around campus, and showed them downtown Blacksburg. I'm so glad my mom finally got to come and see where I'm living now, and where I'll be going to school. It was always important to me.

It's snowing here. Not much, and there's a bastard of a wind chill, but it's nice to see snow again. We had an ice storm a few days ago, and the ice was so thick on the pine trees in the yard that the lowest branches were almost on the ground. It all melted the next day, but not before we got out there and took some pictures. Hopefully we can get them developed soon.

School isn't much different from last semester, since I'm taking the same classes. One new teacher, a few different class locations, and my history paper this semester is on Andy Warhol. That's gonna be fun, I'm sure. My backpacking class doesn't start until mid-March. I can't wait!

I guess that's about it for now. It's good to be back.

:)

It's that time again....

2006-12-20T13:36:00.000-08:00

Like most of you, I haven't had much time for blogging lately. Actually, I haven't had much to blog about, until recently. But I find myself sitting in front of the computer, most of my housework done, my inbox cleared, the animals fed, my husband at work, a cup of coffee next to me, and I realize it's a perfect time for reflecting. And so, I will attempt to get down on paper (sort of...) a summary of recent noteworthy events, and thus preserve them for posterity.

First, and most important....today was the deadline for final grades to be posted, and as expected, I ended the semester with a 4.0. As for that chem class I've been sweating all semester, ironically, I had the highest grade in the class - 99.4%, and anyone with an A was exempt from the final. I don't think I've ever had a 4.0, not even in high school...maybe for one quarter, but never at the end of the year. I'm only halfway through this year, but next semester I'm taking the second half of the subjects I just took, so I'm not worried. As an added bonus, even though I went into this past semester with the solitary goal of learning, I managed to make a few friends on the way, and even had a couple nights of study group at my house during finals week. We even had a bonfire here a week ago...a small affair, but fun and very laid-back, a good way to relax and forget temporarily the stress of math and science. I'm so glad I'm not living in an apartment anymore!

Christmas is only five days away. Chris and I are heading home on Sunday, and he'll be coming back here on Tuesday...back to work for him, say sorry. I, on the other hand, am in a unique position to stay at home for a few extra days and come back next weekend. It's so exciting!! Not only will I get to see my best friends whom I haven't seen since August (that means you, Fletch, I can't wait!), but my mom is bringing me back and staying overnight. I'll get to show her the town, and the VT campus, where I'll be going to school in the fall. It's nice because when I was at DePaul, Mom never got to see the campus...and when I was in high school and looking at colleges, she went to see a few with me. Besides, it's so beautiful here, I can't imagine anyone coming here and not being happier for it. My sister might be coming as well, which would be awesome!

I know I've been saying for months that I'd get some good pictures of Mojo up here...well, these aren't good pictures, but they're pictures, dammit! :)

Remember how small he was when I brought him home in August? No? Okay, here ya go:

It's been four and a half months since then, and he's growing so fast!

He's gotten a lot more red, even though he's a little dull right now...he'll probably shed in the next week.

That's about all I have for now...the computer's so damn slow right now anyway, what with all the shows Chris is downloading, I've been working on this post for about two hours, and I'm hungry! Happy Yule, everyone!

An Overdue Visit

2006-12-15T18:33:00.000-08:00

A holiday poem from the ACLU, who are NOT trying to destroy Christmas - enjoy, and happy holidays to everyone!

An Overdue Visit

'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the nation
Friends of Freedom knew it was a special occasion.
Lady Liberty stood taller just off the shore
Her torch shining brighter than a few weeks before

But it wasn't the flame turning her cheeks all rosy
It was thoughts of Snowe, Feingold and Nancy Pelosi
And leaders from every side of the aisle
Who would soon bring the Bill of Rights back into style.

The Amendments had all hurried out of their beds -
Which was no easy task, they were nearly in shreds -
And they rushed to the window on papery feet
As a jolly old man flew right over their street.

"Could it be!?" they inquired as the roof shook and trembled
And they crept toward the mantle, peaceably assembled,
Just as someone emerged from the chimney with flair
In a shiny red suit, with a shock of white hair

And a top hat, and pants all in red, white and blue -
"Wait a minute," the Amendments exclaimed, "Who are you?"
"Don't be frightened my children," he said, "it's no scam.
"You can't have forgotten your old Uncle Sam!"

"Holy crap!" said Free Speech. "Stop right there!" yelled Bear Arms
And Privacy cried "Who shut off the alarms?!"
The Fifth remained silent, but Uncle Sam said
"We've been having some trouble, but Freedom's not dead."

The Amendments were cautious. "It's just been so long
"We've seen Liberty lost, we've seen so much go wrong.
"The President's trying to mangle and warp us,
"The Fourth is in tatters, so's Habeas Corpus!"

The old man sat down - he had had quite a ride -
But he told them "Don't worry, the Law's on our side,
"'Cause the nation's fed up and more people are crying
"For Justice and an end to illegal spying,

"And secret abductions by the CIA,
"And laws that would take women's choices away,
"And Gitmo tribunals and secret detention,
"And other intrusions too numerous to mention - "

"Not so fast," said a grinchity voice from above
And Don Rumsfeld pushed past the Fourteenth with a shove.
He was covered in soot and he looked kind of scary.
It seemed like his Christmas had not been so merry.

The Amendments said they weren't happy to see him:
"You tried to throw all of us in the museum!
"You've done so much the Constitution forbids!"
"And I would have gone on, but for you meddling kids!"

Uncle Sam told him "Rummy, your plans just won't do,
"So we've got a brand new timetable for you!"
And as Rumsfeld retired and crept into the night
The Amendments cried out "Have a good secret flight!"

From the distance they heard him reply with a snort.
"Bye-bye, Rummy!" they answered, "we'll see you in court!"
Uncle Sam rode the chimney up out of the room
And, like Frosty, he said "I'll be back again soon."

But they heard him exclaim "Oh, and just one more thing!
"This year, when the holiday bells start to ring,
"Try to honor religion. Honest faith can't be wrong.
"It's America, can't we all just get along?

"So, on Christian," he cried, "Muslim, Hindu, and Jew!
"On Quaker! On Shaker! And Atheist too!
"On Buddhist! On Taoist! And to show we're not chickens
"We'll file a few lawsuits defending the Wiccans!

"Your belief is your right, so get out there and savor it.
"Uncle Sam's not a preacher, and he doesn't play favorites!"
So this holiday season, whatever you do,
Warmest wishes for Freedom, from the ACLU.

Whew!

2006-12-15T17:03:00.000-08:00

No more finals - I took my last two today. Grades by Wednesday. 90% sure I made straight A's for the semester. Had a nice gathering here a few nights ago - more about that when I've had some recovery sleep :) I promise, I will post all about school when I get my final grades.

:)

What a geek I am!

2006-12-09T20:22:00.000-08:00

Just in case you hadn't noticed the color changes, I've switched to Blogger beta. Went back and labeled all my posts and everything. Yay, go me! Cuz I'm technical like that.

:)

Looking for a great gift?

2006-12-03T00:35:00.000-08:00

Grumpy Girl Auto Bird Turd Emergency Kit

This is the most damn clever gift idea I've seen in a long time!

I'm not sure what this means, but...

2006-12-02T23:52:00.000-08:00

Changeling

Yeah, that sounds just about right.

So very glamourous.

You're a changeling, an Arcadian trapped within a human body, living a double life. Attuned to the dreaming, you're probably a creative, joyful spirit. Joy takes many forms, of course. Redcaps can enjoy what they do, even if most other people would find it horrible. You can find the beauty and worth of everything - from amazing art to emoitional breakdowns.

On the downside, you're a bit unbalanced - people might actually think that you have two, very different sides to your personalities. And you need people so very much. You probably don't like to be left alone.

Watch out for Autumn People and for Vampires. They can really cramp your style.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 99% on Joy
You scored higher than 99% on Power
You scored higher than 99% on Tech
You scored higher than 99% on Dominance

Link: The World of Darkness Personality Test written by BlaiseBoy on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

Even though I'm an introvert, this actually makes some sense...

Thanksgiving, and other things

2006-11-29T08:04:00.000-08:00

I registered for my spring classes today. Second semester of everything I'm taking now - biology, chemistry, calculus, and US history - plus an added bonus...a class in backpacking! Since my goal after finishing college is to hike the entire AT with Chris, this seems like a great idea. Give me the necessary background and all that. If I have an A average in my chem class by Dec. 11, I will not have to take the final. Since it's the only one I'm worried about, this bodes well for my chances at a 4.0 this semester, which bodes REALLY well for my chances at successfully transferring to VT next fall.

Thanksgiving was....interesting. Not bad, but strange. It's hard to explain. As I become an adult, I'm having to reevaluate my relationships with family, and reinterpret our interactions. A lot of issues to deal with, issues that I've never even fully articulated to myself, let alone tried to deal with. I think, given time, everything will work itself out. Some things right now, though, still seem awkward.

I'm not ready to have a dog yet, especially one that only wants your undivided attention 24/7. Yet that's what we were left with when Andy left for Cali. Don't get me wrong, I love this dog (and, since Thanksgiving, so does my family). He's smart, beautiful, and attentive. I just wish I had more time to give. As much as I'd like to have my own dog, raised from a puppy, I won't even consider it until I know I can give it the time and attention it deserves. Since I'm not planning on having kids for another few years yet, I don't think this will be a problem.

I have an appointment to give blood in about ten minutes. I may come back and add to this, I may not. We'll see how the rest of the day goes.

:)

It's snowing!

2006-11-19T05:38:00.000-08:00

I just saw the first snowfall of the season! Big, thick white flakes falling silently from the sky, and although it didn't last long and didn't stick, it was still beautiful. Looks like it may do this off and on all day.

I love the mountains.

Free Hugs

2006-11-10T03:16:00.000-08:00

Free Hugs in Sydney - Juan Mann One Love

I read about this guy in the Collegiate Times. Such a great idea...I wish I had thought of it! Free hugs for everyone!

To Heather, and beyond!

2006-11-09T11:39:00.000-08:00

Want to put your name in a movie quote? I got some great ones:

When there's no more room in hell, the Heather will walk the earth. (Dawn of the Dead)

It's a Sicilian message. It means tonight Luca Brasi sleeps with the Heather. (The Godfather)

Heather, for lack of a better word, is good. (Wall Street)

I know this sounds crazy, but ever since yesterday on the road, I've been seeing this Heather. (Close Encounters of the Third Kind)

Listen to them. Children of the Heather. What music they make. (Dracula)

I want that Heather, not excuses. (Star Wars: Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back)

They don't throw their garbage away. They make it into Heather. (Annie Hall)

First rule of Heather Club is - you do not talk about Heather Club. (Fight Club)

Heather? We ain't got no Heather! We don't need no Heather! I don't have to show you any stinking Heather! (The Treasure of the Sierra Madre)

Love means never having to say you're Heather. (Love Story)

I could go on, probably for days...and it works with any word, too!

"You had me at 'slapshot' "

P.S.

2006-11-07T11:13:00.000-08:00

I got an A on that Chem test, by the way. Not only that, but my average (pre-test) was an 85%. Looks like I might make it through this semester with A's and B's after all!

:)

My current state of academics

2006-10-27T08:21:00.000-07:00

I had a brutal (although not as bad as I expected) chem test this morning. I think I got at least a C. I came home after the test, I think I was at school for about an hour and 15 minutes today. I'm skipping math class. The teacher always puts the notes up on the Internet. I'm also skipping a history test, but I have two opt-outs for tests I haven't yet used. There are two tests left after this one, and I only have to take one of them, since I took the first two. It's a nice system. There's a paper due in that class in about two weeks, which I still have to get seriously started. My topic is Levi Strauss, and I think I'm going to title the paper "The Birth of American Fashion". As far as I know, I'm getting an A in history. I've gotten A's on the first two tests and the three quizzes I've taken, and we're only required to take three of each, so unless I seriously screw up this paper or the final, I should have an A. Same for math - pre-Calc this semester (Calc next semester), and both tests have been A's so far. I took my third math test on Monday, and should get it back this coming Monday. Pretty sure I got another A. I've gotten A's on my first two biology tests, although I haven't gotten the third test back yet (took that on Tuesday), but I'm also pretty sure I got an A, and I'm maintaining an A in lab, which is 25% of my grade. I'm also maintaining an A in my chem lab, which might save my overall grade. Today was the third chem test. I got a 68 on the first one and a 90-something on the second. I've gotten A's and B's on the quizzes. I've been trying to find time to catch my professor in his office to see what my current grade average is, because the last day to withdraw from a class is Monday. I have to pass all of my classes with at least a C and maintain a 3.0 in order to guarantee my transfer to VT. Let's see, what else? I have an Internet research project on global warming due next week for my bio lab, and I think there's a lab quiz. I need to read ch. 40 in my bio book, since that's what we started going over in class yesterday. We've started taking notes for Test 4 in history, so I could go read them over, since I plan on taking that as my last test. We're learning about the Era of Good Feelings, Market Revolution, etc., starting right after the War of 1812. Fun stuff. Sometime this afternoon I'll look up those math notes, copy them into my notebook and do the homework for that section (should be 7.2). And chemistry? Maybe I should check my syllabus and see what we're studying next. You know, get a head start.

Muppet Personality Test

2006-10-22T12:02:00.000-07:00

I lied. This was too good not to post!

You Are Scooter

Brainy and knowledgable, you are the perfect sidekick.
You're always willing to lend a helping hand.
In any big event or party, you're the one who keeps things going.
"15 seconds to showtime!"

The Muppet Personality Test

He's even a redhead! It's fate! :)

How Do You Communicate?

2006-10-22T10:44:00.000-07:00

Okay, last one, I promise! :)

You Communicate With Your Body

This isn't as bad as it sounds, it just means that you're a "touchy-feely" person.
You need a lot of affection in your life. And for you, this means both giving and receiving little touches.
Warm hearted, you bond with people easily. In fact, you often feel a little sad when you're not in the company of others.
A little moody, you tend to be controlled by your emotions. But a bit hug always comforts you!

How Do You Communicate?

Au Natural

2006-10-20T12:58:00.000-07:00

This came from the same site as the Soul Quiz. My curiosity got the better of me...

Your Seduction Style: Au Natural

You rank up there with your seduction skills, though you might not know it.
That's because you're a natural at seduction. You don't realize your power!
The root of your natural seduction power: your innocence and optimism.

You're the type of person who happily plays around and creates a unique little world.
Little do you know that your personal paradise is so appealing that it sucks people in.
You find joy in everything - so is it any surprise that people find joy in you?

You bring back the inner child in everyone you meet with your sincere and spontaneous ways.
Your childlike (but not childish) behavior also inspires others to care for you.
As a result, those who you befriend and date tend to be incredibly loyal to you.

What Kind of Seducer Are You?

I can think of a few people who would vouch for the authenticity of this! :)

What kind of soul are you?

2006-10-19T11:18:00.000-07:00

You Are a Visionary Soul

You are a curious person, always in a state of awareness.
Connected to all things spiritual, you are very connected to your soul.
You are wise and bright: able to reason and be reasonable.
Occasionally, you get quite depressed and have dark feelings.

You have great vision and can be very insightful.
In fact, you are often profound in a way that surprises yourself.
Visionary souls like you can be the best type of friend.
You are intuitive, understanding, sympathetic, and a good healer.

Souls you are most compatible with: Old Soul and Peacemaker Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

Rollercoaster

2006-10-09T07:40:00.000-07:00

What a rollercoaster of a weekend.

We had some new friends come over to hang out Saturday night, and it was good. Lots of beer, lots of great conversation...lots of connecting. I don't make friends often, being an introvert has that side effect, and besides, I don't feel like wasting my time on people I can't really connect with. It's so GOOD to find good people! Maybe I don't have a way with words, but I know what I know.

And I know that after they left, everything changed. I witnessed a falling out such as I never imagined was possible, between two people I thought would be close forever. I lay in bed, trying to sleep, listening to a conversation I didn't think these two people could have. So much pain, and bitterness, and cruelty, so much that I didn't even realize existed here, pouring out in a torrent of harsh words. Can I tell you something? I locked my bedroom door against the man I love that night. I didn't know where he was, but I knew he wasn't the man trying to get in. Deja vu, anyone?

We finally talked about it last night. It feels so good to be able to lay things to rest without the bitterness and drama I've grown used to with others. It's hard to see things change, especially for someone like me who, although I love adventure, thrives on familiarity. But, I've also had to learn that I can't stop change, and when it doesn't directly affect me, I have to let go and let it happen. Roll with the punches, as it were. Go with the flow. Give me a minute, I'll come up with another cliche. Just when I think I understand what it means to be married, to have that kind of commitment, something happens that threatens to shatter it, only to show me in the end that what I think of as commitment doesn't even scratch the surface. Do I have the strength to stay the course, no matter what? I think so. I don't want it any other way.

Farmhouse

2006-10-04T07:14:00.000-07:00

I spent the weekend on my friend E's farm up near Strasburg. Chris and I had planned to drive up to Pittsburgh together to pick up our roommate, who stayed with his folks for the rest of the week after the Tool show, but when E called me and told me he was having an uber-bonfire on Saturday, I couldn't think of anywhere else I'd rather have been. So, I had Chris drop me off on the way up to PA Friday night with my tent and sleeping bag, and there I stayed until Sunday evening.

Oh, there was so much work to be done.

I've gotta tell you about this place. It's Civil War era, about 200 years old. 2 acres, with an old stone cottage, a barn, a chicken coop that's off its foundation, an office/milking building (it was a dairy farm back in the 1960's), and a building of undefined use in the corner. Oh, and an open garage, and next to that an outhouse. The ultimate goals are to turn the barn into a metalworking shop, the stray building into a guest cottage, the office into a livable building for the time being, and the stone cottage into a permanent home. The entire property had to be cleared from the start, and 6 months ago that work started. We didn't get to see it until the end of August when we moved back to VA, and even by then there was significant improvement. The barn needed a whole side wall rebuilt, the roof has almost been fixed, and quite a lot of the sumac trees choking every inch of the land have been cleared out. That's what we had to start with this weekend.

I wouldn't say we made headway in leaps and bounds, but we got a lot done. The roof was supposed to be finished Saturday, but we woke up to rain, so that plan was scrapped. We didn't do much until the afternoon, when it stopped raining, but all afternoon we hauled firewood from all over the property to the space for the bonfire. We cleared out all the dead wood from the space between the barn and the office, which was a lot of logs and quite a few dead sumac trees, branches and all. E and I made a grocery run, since his friend D was going to be cooking most of the food for the festivities that night, and I got stuff to make hot chocolate. I figured I'd be the only one drinking it, since most everyone else would probably be drinking beer, but what the hell, I wanted hot chocolate. Having the bonfire that night was incredibly chill and laid back, as always. It drizzled a bit, on and off, and rained for about 20 minutes at midnight, but it wasn't that bad. Made it a good night to burn. I met so many cool people that night. The next morning, talking to E, I reminisced about the group of people he was friends with when I first met him, and how we had both moved away from that group and formed new groups of friends, and how much fun it was to comingle with groups of chill people like that. I asked him, "Is it always this much fun to make new friends?" I'm pretty sure he knew what I meant. He was part of the first real group of friends I ever had, and that was years after high school. He said it was. That makes me look forward to what kind of people I will meet in the future.

The real work came on Sunday. Now that we had the field between the barn and the office cleared of brush, E wanted to pitch down some of the old straw in the upper part of the barn to spread over what was left and so leave it to decompose into good growing soil. The land is in the Shenendoah Valley, so it's already good soil, and this way the sumac wouldn't grow back and the land could be used for gardening. (In fact, he's already told me I can use a small plot for a garden of my own, if I come up to tend it during spring planting and fall harvesting...one more excuse to come up for the weekend!) Between E and myself, we cleared out an entire roomful of straw, about 10x20 feet, a few feet deep by the door but about 8 feet high in the pile at the other end. I cleared out a good deal of it myself, since E went down after a while to start moving it from the side of the barn to the field. I was soooooo sore the next day....but it was worth it.

Friday night, E, D and myself were sitting around the (small) fire talking, and D asked me why I was going to college. When I mentioned that in the end I really wanted to do just what E was doing, D said something to the effect of you can't learn the kinds of things you need to live off the land like that in school. And you know what? He's absolutely right. I want to know the why of things, so I go to class and learn about them, but the only way to learn how to maintain a farm like that is to actually do it. I can't think of a better reason to spend as much time as I can on this farm. Not only is E getting a willing pair of hands to help out, but I'm learning so much every time I'm there, and things as simple as the correct way to efficiently pitch straw can make a big difference when you have to do it yourself.

When Chris and Andy got back on Sunday, we all went down to the local pub and had dinner, BSed around a bit, and then the three of us headed home. Last night, Andy mentioned how cool E was, and how everything he said about everything was right. He said he'd never met anyone like that before. I just thought about different groups of friends, and smiled to myself. It's all happening.

"Life Update" is so cliche...oh, well.

2006-09-29T07:38:00.000-07:00

I have a history test in about 45 minutes. I'm sooo bored right now, but I don't want to study for anything else I should be studying for, in case I get confused :) I'm sitting in the school library, listening to Pandora (custom personalized internet radio, if you haven't tried it, get on over to Pandora.com and go crazy!) and reading up on all the blogs I've been missing. You know who you are! School's taking up much more of my time than I expected. Not more than I can handle, but my casual forays into the blogosphere have become rare. I'm doing well in all my classes, except chemistry, but one bad test grade isn't the end of the world. I took my second chem test this morning, and I feel pretty confident about it. Besides, if I have to withdraw, I can always take it next year. See, VT has articulation agreements (guaranteed transfer admission) with several of their colleges, and the College of Agriculture and Life Sciences is one of them. That's the one I'm shooting for. All I have to do is take the required courses for an AA in Science, pass each class with at least a C average, and maintain a 3.0. That's not nearly as stringent as I was expecting, considering how fierce the competition for transfer students is in general. Turns out taking Bio and Chem in the same year is going to free up a lot of class time for next year. Maybe I can take physics for fun. Is physics fun? I don't know, I opted out of taking it in high school because I wanted to take AP Bio instead. That was DEFINITELY fun.

Went to the Tool show in Pittsburgh Tuesday night. I had to miss some classes to do it, but it all worked out. Now, I'm not a huge Tool fan (although my husband is), but this show BLEW me AWAY. What a great experience. If you're thinking to yourself, "I don't like heavy metal," think again. They're SO much more than that. You just have to look deeper.

Anyone heard of the Funky Meters? Yeah, they're before my time, but last Friday George Porter, Russell Batiste and Eric Stoltz (The FM minus Aaron Neville) played a show at the Lyric Theatre here in town with special guest Steve Kimock. You know, the guy who retaught Jerry how to play guitar when he came out of his coma. We got lucky on that, he's not playing the whole tour. Like funk? You'd have LOVED this show.

Next up? Flaming Lips sometime in October. My husband takes care of the details...I just show up :)

I feel good. Until next time....

:)

Favorite Quote #3

2006-09-13T12:30:00.000-07:00


There’s nothing you can know that isn’t known.
Nothing you can see that isn’t shown.
Nowhere you can be that isn’t where you’re meant to be.
It’s easy.

All you need is love,
All you need is love,
All you need is love, love,
Love is all you need.

~The Beatles

All you touch and All you see

2006-09-13T07:19:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting in the library on campus between classes. I got out of Chemistry class early today. My professor graded our first test with the wrong answer key, so needless to say he was a little preoccupied and only gave us a few notes. Apparently we're ahead of schedule on our notes anyway. I have a "homework quiz" in Pre-Calc this afternoon. As long as I have all the assigned homework done before class at 1:25, all I have to do is copy the work from my notebook. It's almost done, but not quite. I have to say I'm surprised how easily all this comes back to me. Not just the subject matter, but the study habits. I don't remember being this organized the first time around, but ever since school started I've been able to sit down (almost) every day and put a little time into my studies, even if it's just reading over the notes from last class in order to be prepared for class the next day. I have a 5-page paper due in November for my U.S. History class, and an independent research project due I don't remember when in Biology. I already have topics picked out for both, and I don't even have to give my Bio lab professor my outline until Thursday. I'm writing my History paper on Levi Strauss. You know, the guy who revolutionized blue jeans by putting little metal rivets on the pockets. (He didn't actually come up with that idea, one of his distributers did, but he put up the money for the patent and they became partners.) I think it's going to be fun. I love having over an hour between classes! It gives me time to get all my work done and still have some left over to come and talk to all of you. I know I haven't been posting as much as I used to, but to be honest, I don't feel as much need anymore, because I don't have as much on my mind, relatively speaking. I'm sure you don't want to read my internal dialogue on how biology and chemistry interact based on the interconnected and occasionally contradictory notes I'm getting in each class, or how much unexpected fun I'm having learning about the daily life of the colonists from 1700-1750. There are a lot of details about colonial life they don't teach you in high school! I'm slowly settling down into my new routine, and slowly growing into my new home. Life is...pretty good. Everything outside of school has seemed to fade a little, in a way. That's such a good feeling. I've been waiting five years for this.

There's so much to learn.

:)

I'm glad I'm still alive

2006-08-21T15:43:00.000-07:00

Has anyone seen the news story about the manhunt in Blacksburg, VA?

This guy was on my porch early Sunday morning.

Here's what happened: I live right behind the hospital. Around 3:00 or 3:30 Sunday morning, I heard something moving in my front yard. I turned on the porch light and looked out, but didn't see anything. At about 9:00 in the morning, I'm awakened to the sound of someone banging on my door. It's two deputies, complete with flak jackets and carbines, telling me there's an escaped inmate and their bloodhound tracked him up on my front porch. They came in and searched the house, ducking around corners in formation and shit like you see in the movies, but of course they didn't find anything. I was home alone at the time, Chris and Andy were in NC, but as soon as I called them they headed home. They checked with the local police and found out this guy had killed someone escaping the hospital, a security guard, and this morning he killed a cop. Now he's charged with capital murder.

I hope you fucking fry, you scumbag.

In Transition

2006-08-20T20:16:00.000-07:00

I feel bad that I haven't posted in a while, but so much has happened in the past two weeks that it's hard for me to sort out yet, especially since I just found out today that I'm starting school in three days instead of a week, so I have to worry about that for a bit. Still alive, though, and still sane...for now.

I'll fill you all in on my reaquaintance with kith and kin when I can sort it out into a coherent narrative. Until then, thanks, you guys, for thinking of me.

Tune in next time...

Let's go fly a kite

2006-08-19T09:31:00.000-07:00

This was so amazing, I just had to share it!

:)

Hoorah!

2006-08-05T07:30:00.000-07:00

I'M HOME!!!!!

It's not really home until you're sleeping in a real bed again.

So much has happened in the last week, it's hard to remember it all, but I'll give you the highlights. We left Florida Friday night last week and drove all night to Buford, SC to stay with some friends. While we were there, we went down to Savannah and walked along River Street, something I've been wanting to do for a while. It's so beautiful! And as an added bonus, both candy shops on River St have free samples of homemade pralines! Yummy! We left Monday morning to head up to VA, thinking we were going to be able to move into our house, but the guy that just left wasn't out yet, and the landlord wanted to have someone come in to shampoo the carpets, so we were stuck in a hotel room with three people, a dog, and a carful of stuff for two days. But, we got to start bringing in our stuff on Wednesday, and the moving truck showed up early Thursday morning with the rest, everything present and accounted for, and nothing broken. Some of it is still out on the porch (I have a porch!), but the important things (bed, kitchen, sound system) have been set up, and the rest is just details. We'll be unpacking all day today, and probably tomorrow. If we can get it all done, we're leaving on Monday morning to spend some time with our friends and family over in Maryland and the D.C. suburbs. What's a 5 hour drive when we've been 17 hours away for the past year and a half?

On another note, my corn snake is healthy, happy, and not nearly as stressed as I worried it might be. I set up its home last night and fed it, thinking it might not eat from the stress of all the moving, but it had that pinky down in less than five minutes. A good sign, and it's calming down rather quickly. As soon as I get it to a vet and it becomes a he/she, I will name it and put some new pictures up.

I drove up to NRCC in Dublin on Tuesday to turn in my Financial Aid paperwork and pay the balance on my tuition. It's a very pretty campus, and not that far away. I'm definitely looking forward to going to school there.

There's so much time, and so little to do...wait, scratch that, reverse it...

:)

Welcome home

2006-08-04T18:03:00.000-07:00

Well, it's Friday. We've been in Blacksburg for about five days. We moved in on Wednesday, the movers dropped off our stuff yesterday morning, and we had to have an exterminator come in today and spray for fleas, so we are finally unpacking. Just taking a quick break to let everyone know I'm alive, I'll tell you all about it tomorrow.

:)

Wish me luck

2006-07-28T04:37:00.000-07:00

We're unplugging the computer now. See you all on the flip side...

:)

$137.80

2006-07-25T06:13:00.000-07:00

That's the total amount due on my 2006-2007 tuition. The rest? Financial Aid! Got it in the mail today. Wanna know the best part? IT'S ALL IN GRANTS!!! AHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go dance naked around a bonfire in homage to whatever gods just smiled on me.

:)

Why should I have to title these things?

2006-07-19T07:15:00.000-07:00

Saturday night, while I was in Atlanta, I got a call from a friend at work. She'd been checking all the reptiles for water, and apparently my corn snake turned up dead. Sad, really, but if it was that unhealthy this early in the game, maybe it was for the best. We got a new corn snake in, though, a hatchling blood corn, who is now on hold for me.

Sorry about the poor quality, but I was using a camera phone.

The moving company manager came by this morning to do an estimate. He was really nice, and he told me that his company has moved 8 different generals in the past 6 years because of their reputation. I'm feeling much better about this move.

Party at the Masquerade

2006-07-16T19:11:00.000-07:00

So this weekend was the combined birthday party for me and my hubby, since it fell right in between. And what did we do, you ask? We went and saw these two guys
with this guy
and this guy
play at the Masquerade Music Park in Atlanta. I tell you, I don't even know if I can put this show into words. It was hands down the best live show I've seen yet (not that I'm a seasoned veteran of live shows or anything, but still). I have yet to see the Duo and not be right up front on the rail, and this was no exception. I was standing next to this guy named Leon, he was from London and an English professor up in NC. He'd already seen a few shows of this tour, and he's been a Phish fan since '91. Very cool guy. I always like ending up next to interesting, friendly people at shows, it makes it easier for me to relax and just have a great time. The Duo played a short but solid first set, and when all four of them came out for second set, they rocked it from the start. The first four or so songs were killer! There was a lot of long jamming after that, Chris wasn't feeling well and some guy right down from us passed out and had to be lifted over the rail so they could get him out (he was okay, though), so I was kinda distracted for a while, but when Mike pulled out his electric banjo and Trey went acoustic, I was all ears. They sat and played a few simple songs, then busted out with "Mexican Cousin", the first Phish cover of this tour. The whole crowd was singing along, it was incredible! Joe and Marco came out after that and got halfway through Paranoid Android, which I've always wanted to hear them cover live, and when Trey came back out he looked like he was going to groove on it with them, but instead he broke in with a new riff....I was kida pissed, I wanted to hear the end of Android, but when they started playing Who Are You, the whole crowd went NUTS! I can't describe it. I have never rocked out that hard. I gave myself whiplash :) not bad, but I'll remember this show for a few days! We were standing right in front of Marco (Benevento, the keyboard player)...I LOVE watching him play, he's so happy and smiling all the time, he loves what he does and he loves seeing all of us digging on what he does, it's only been two days and I can't WAIT to see these guys again, even if I don't know when that wll be. But there will be a next time. Oh yes, there will be.

We had breakfast at Waffle House this morning. Two breakfasts: eggs, bacon, hash browns, toast, orange juice and coffee. Waffle House food, what my husband has affectionally termed "crap on a plate". $15, including tip. Last night, after the show, we went to Gordon Biersch and had fresh brewed iced tea (for me), a half-litre handcrafted Hefeweizen (for him), and split a fresh from-scratch veggie pizza with tomatoes, artichokes, spinach, mushrooms and sun-dried tomato pesto, enough to fill up both of us. $21, including tip. The moral? If you ever get near a Gordon Biersch, go have dinner. You won't be disappointed.

Favorite Quote #2

2006-07-13T19:54:00.000-07:00

I listened to Relentless today, and I think it's time to change my favorite quote.

Favorite Quote of the Moment:
Wouldn't you like to see a positive LSD story on the news? To hear what it's all about perhaps? Wouldn't that be interesting? Just for once?

"Today, a young man on acid realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration, that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively. There's no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we're the imagination of ourselves.

Here's Tom with the weather."
~Bill Hicks

Life update

2006-07-13T11:18:00.000-07:00

15 days until the movers come. I have not started packing anything, or even going through things to decide what goes and what stays, although this little voice in the back of my mind keeps telling me I should, don't wait until the last minute, you don't want to be going through your stuff after it's already moved, just take what important and leave the rest. I'm living in this strange mix of permanent and temporary. I still have things packed away in boxes in various closets because we don't have the space to unpack everything we have, but it all seems so solid, we've been here for a year and a half now and it feels like forever. I can barely remember what this place looked like when we moved in last February. Oddly enough, as solid as it seems, it has never really felt like home. I haven't had a "home" since I left my parents six years ago. Oh, living with Fletch came close, I actually had a house and a roommate I was comfortable with, but I haven't had the opportunity to put down new roots since I pulled the last ones up, and I don't know when I'm going to have the chance again. I don't even know how long we'll be staying in VA this time. The thing is, though, I don't know whether or not I would be comfortable settling down in one place and not moving again. I suppose as long as I was able to travel, it would be okay, but living the same life day after day gets monotonous so quickly. That's why I wasn't ready to leave VA the first time, hanging out with the guys in Arlington there was always something different happening, and it never got old. I miss them. I hope I can find a way to settle in to the next chapter in my life as well as I have in the past, because the sooner this one is over, the better.

Chris is still hanging in there. He's stressing over the amount of work he still has to do, apparently there are two change of commands this week so instead of spending quality time in his office he and the rest of his squadron have been practicing for those, but he's managing. Things have been a little strained around the house. I've started likening it to childbirth; right towards the end everything gets harder, your patience wears thin and all you want is for it to be over and done with. At least, that's what I've read. I've never had children, so I don't know if that's true or not. But we both realize the situation we're in, which makes it easier to get through the strain and say, "This is only temporary, we can get through it, and things will be better soon." Not that they're "bad" now, but we're both snappish and preoccupied, and we don't see much of each other, since I'm working nights. We get a break in a few days, though! We're going to Atlanta for the weekend to see the GRAB show. That's Gordon, Russo, Anastasio, Benevento for all you non-Duo and non-Phish people. Check out www.trey.com, www.mike-gordon.com, www.phish.com or www.organanddrums.com to find out more (this means you, Jimmy!). These guys are incredible!

All the pets are doing fine. One of my fish died a few days ago, but I'm not that upset about it. As long as Wilson (my betta) is okay, that's all I'm worried about.

One of my mice is pregnant again. This will be her third litter. The other two females are still too young, I think, or maybe they haven't started showing yet. Doesn't really matter to me, the pinkies are all going in the freezer for my corn snake. Who, by the way, started eating on his own! I finally got him to eat a brained pinky three days ago (yes, that means I squished its head, deal with it), and Jennifer gave him a not-brained pinky yesterday, which he grabbed onto with relish (dill, not bread-n-butter :P). I will definitely be taking him with me when we move. He's starting to show some orange around his head, I think he's going to turn out to be a standard coloration, which is fine with me. I'll share some pictures as soon as I get them.

Not counting my days off, I have eleven days of work left. Work is...work. I think I'm going to miss about half a dozen people from my job, but most of them are Myspace friends, so I won't be completely cut off! I don't really have anything to say about my job.

Still waiting on my financial aid. *sigh*

Israel and Lebanon just went to war. I am now trying frantically to learn 2.000 years of Middle Eastern history so I will understand not only what's happening, but why. My husband did a wonderful job of giving me the layman's version, but I still wonder where I've been for the past 24 years...do my parents know about any of this? If so, why didn't they teach me? Based on everything I know up to this point, I'm very pissed off at Israel right now.

That's all for now.

Why don't we have free college like the rest of the world?

2006-07-10T10:43:00.000-07:00

I filled out my Master Promissory Note for a Federal Stafford Loan today. I'm mailing it first thing tomorrow. This should be good news, but let me tell you why it's not.

First of all, this is the first time I've had to do any of the financial paperwork myself. When I went to college back in '00, my parents took care of it. So, every time I think I have everything taken care of, and I call the Financial Aid office to check the status of my aid, they tell me, "Oh, wait, you need to fill out this form, and print out this form, and we need this additional paperwork from you, etc, etc...". It's very frusturating. Second, since going to college this fall instead of next spring was kind of a last-minute decision, I already know that my loans are not going to come through until after the deadline for tuition payment (Aug 4). I'm only responsible for around $1000, it's only community college and they finally granted my application for in-state tuition (yay!), but I'm probably going to have to pay that out-of-pocket and get reimbursed my the loans. They should have my FAFSA processed within the next two weeks, so I'll know how much of it the school is covering, but my tuition is due three days after I move, for crying out loud! We're also getting reimbursed some moving expenses by the military, but we won't get that money or Chris's last paycheck until sometime in the later half of August, since we're taking terminal leave and moving two weeks before his official seperation date. So, we're going to have to pay for our move (gas, food, etc.) out-of-pocket as well.

On the flip side, though, we have only 17 days until the movers come and pack up all our stuff. Can we say, AAARRGGHHHHHHHHH! (that was a happy one, not a frusturated one...)

I love you guys. You keep me sane.

It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood

2006-07-07T07:53:00.000-07:00

Won't You Be My Neighbor?

I found this video on a blog for introverts, which I'll be linking to shortly...I watched Mr. Rogers Neighborhood religiously as a kid, and watching this brings it all back. Fred Rogers did more for the children of my generation than anyone else, and this just proves it.

Kindred Spirit

2006-07-06T11:45:00.000-07:00

I don't browse blogs. Not because I don't care, or because I think I already have enough friends, but mostly because I don't have time. All of my new friends, up until now, have been found through existing friends. But a few nights ago, whilst browsing for the first time, I came across the most astounding thing...

This girl reminds me so much of myself it's scary. I've read everything, all 3+ years of posts about life, love and finding yourself, and I just can't believe how closely some of her experiences mirror my own. Fletch, you can attest to this, you were there for most of it...

On a related note, another blog of interest was linked from this new one, and I recommend it to everyone reading this. I haven't gotten very far yet, but this woman is (was?) homeless and living in her car, and blogging from the local library. She's well educated and literate, and her story is captivating.

Thank you, Vicky, for sharing yourself with the rest of the world. You may think your story is boring and pointless, or maybe you know better by now, but it's very comforting to know that no matter where you live, who you know, or what your circumstances are, human experience is universal.

And the hits just keep on comin'....

2006-07-05T19:32:00.000-07:00

I slept until noon today. Considering I didn't go to bed until about 3am, I figure I deserved it. Besides, it's my birthday, dammit, I can do what I want! :)

Chris woke me up when he came home from work. I went down to check the mail, and there was a birthday card from my grandparents with $20 in it. We already had dinner plans, so I decided to go see a movie while Chris went back to work. I hadn't seen X-Men 3 yet, and I really wanted to see it on the big screen, so I did. I enjoyed it more than I thought I would, although there were a lot of plot holes in it. The storylines that were clear were really moving, considering the rest of the series. I actually cried a little...

I had to go back on base after the movie because Chris forgot his backpack in the car, so while he was PTing at the gym, I went over to the BX to look around and kill some time. The optical shop is having a sale, buy one get one, on their frames, and I found a pair I really liked. Since Chris hadn't gotten me a birthday present yet, I was all set to ask for a pair of prescription sunglasses, but when I got back to the gym to pick him up and told him, "I know what I want for my birthday", he got this deer-in-the-headlights look and I knew he'd already gotten me something. That's okay, I thought, but it was kind of a bummer. He said he would tell me what he'd ordered for me so I could decide which I wanted more, but where's the fun in that? I wanted to be surprised, and I wanted to see what he was so excited about getting me.

My mom called right when we got home, and Chris wanted to go out and "do something before we go out, you can come but you have to keep your eyes closed!", so I opted to stay home and talk with my mom. I asked her if she'd gotten me a birthday present yet, and she said no, so I asked, "Can I have fifty bucks for some new glasses?" and explained what happened. She laughed, and told me she was sending me $25 already along with our souveniers from her and my brother's trip to Alaska, so if I could make up the difference I could put her money towards that. So, I'm going to the BX in the next few days to get some new glasses!

Chris came home, carrying a bouquet of sunflowers and purple asters! I love it when he brings me flowers (it happens so rarely, you know). We went out to McGuire's (local resteraunt/brewhouse) to see if they had finished their Belgian White yet. Not yet, but next week. So, we hung around for a bit, and then went to dinner. Sushi! I love sushi. This was the same resteraunt we went to for our anniversary in January, and took Ryan on his last day before flight school back in March. We know the owner and the head waitress (I guess you'd call her the maitre d' in any other resteraunt), we've been going there since we moved here last February, and it seemed appropriate. Besides, they make a Darcy Roll with shrimp tempura, cream cheese and eel that's to DIE for!

As we left the resteraunt, complaining good-naturedly to each other about how full we were, I mentioned how much I love the pickled ginger they give you with sushi, because it's so good for digestion. He says to me, "You know what else is good for digestion? Chocolate." "Nuh uh!" "Yeah, it is!" "Okay, then, lets go get some." And he points to the glove compartment. There, wrapped in an ice pack so it won't melt, is a bar of Ghirardelli 60% Dark Chocolate. Gods, how I love this stuff! Now I"m glad I didn't suggest going out for ice cream, which I was going to do but now feel way too stuffed to even consider.

I waited until we got home to open it (just one piece, it won't kill me!), and slipped inside the wrapper was a small, folded paper, on which my husband had written, "For your dreams...." I unfolded it, and there was a picture of and the specs on my soon-to-be birthday present. He had told me he'd gotten me something we'd talked about, but I never in a million years would have guessed. A Sony MZ-NH700 Minidisc recorder. You see, I have a hard time remembering my dreams well enough to write them down, and usually can only do it after I've told it out loud, usually to him. The dream I wrote about yesterday morning is a good example. Now I'll be able to record them that way, instead of the words disappearing into the ether. Not only that, but I can title them and group them into folders, and if I forget something and remember it later, I can add onto the end of a file without erasing what's already there. I'm so excited!! I have no idea when it will be here, it should be in the next week but Im sorry, UPS cannot always be trusted. Here's hoping, though.

Shameless Self-Indulgence

2006-07-04T22:01:00.000-07:00

I don't have any big plans for today, but I still enjoy it enough to want everyone to know about it!

Do you believe in the future?

2006-07-04T10:06:00.000-07:00

11:00 a.m., and I'm just waking up. I'm a late sleeper, and as far as I know, all of my lucid dreaming happens between 7 and 11 in the morning. I don't know the exact implications of this one, meaning I don't know how deep it goes, but I think it's important.

I'm a reporter on Earth. It's Christmas Eve, and all I want to do is get the hell off this planet. The future has become the neo-technological space-age era of information predicted by the science-fiction writers. There are no trees left. Nature is totally gone, subjugated, used as a foundation for this new Age. I want to go explore the stars, see if there is anywhere else in the Universe I can be happy.

I'm standing on a balcony overlooking the main spaceport of Earth, and there's a couple standing there next to me. Young, about my age, dressed the way those on the fringes of society would dress (I can't explain it any better). I must have been thinking about Rent (I've been watching/listening to/reading about it a lot lately, and I can see thei influence in this dream), because they said to me how ironic it was, this was their last year on Earth.

"What do you mean? Are you leaving too?"
(laugh) "It's Christmas Eve, man. You're not going anywhere on one of those."
"So where are you headed?"
"The next world. We're going to kill ourselves."

I immediately recoil from the idea. It goes against everything I, as a reporter, believe in, eveything I can see, everything I was taught to see, to think, to understand. But these two don't seem crazy, and they don't seem depressed. They are, in fact, very casual, calm, and happy. I don't even know them, but it makes me sad to think of such a thing happening.

"Can I hold your hand while you die?"
(smile) "Yes, of course - on one condition."
"What's that?"
"Come with us...."
"Why?? Why would you want to do such a thing?"

They turn from the balcony and walk into what appears to be an old-fashioned general store. The store is filled with people, mostly people like them, like us, people too independent to feel comfortable in a world like this, people on the fringes of society, the bohemians, the punks, the artists, the dreamers. They are dancing, laughing with abandon, and as they pass, they all answer me, each voice melting into the next:

"THE GODS. The Gods, The Gods, The Gods, The Gods........."

I don't understand. What are they talking about? Don't they know how much knowledge we've gained in history? I follow them, trying vainly to make them understand:

"We have science now! We've mapped the atom down to nothing! Look at the technology! We know everything now! It was microscopic bacteria that created the universe!"

And suddenly, someone says to me (or I say to myself, in a dream I suppose the two are one and the same), someone says:

"Everything is energy. The gods created the energy. We can only manipulate it."

I stop dead. This thought hit home for me like very few others have in my dreams. Would it be better to go straight back to that implicate order than to search the stars, possibly in vain, to find what I'm looking for? I woke up soon after, and my dream self was still trying to hang on to his conviction that science is supreme. He never made a decision as to what course he was going to choose.

I know enough about myself to know a few things about this dream: This is a future I don't want, and am afraid will come to pass; the people are, like me, lovers/worshippers of Nature, of a pantheon of Divine influences; I may think I know what happens after death, I believe we go back to our source until we want to come back to this level of existence, and I'm not afraid to die, but at this point in my life, I don't exactly relish the thought. Perhaps there is something more to this, perhaps not. Either way, I had to get it out of my head.

An Inconvenient Truth

2006-07-02T17:19:00.000-07:00

Al Gore has made a movie about the threat of global warming. The critics are raving about it, and the ones who are denouncing it as a bunch of hoopla or an attempt by Gore to put himself back in the spotlight are the same conservative extremists who support Ann Coulter and believe that George W. Bush is the next Messaih.

The movie is basically a filmed version of the slideshow presentation that Gore has been giving around the world for years, both before and after he ran for President back in 2000. Interspersed with that are personal anecdotes designed to show a man driven not by the promise of political gain, but by personal conviction and moral motivation. At times, these personal asides get to be a little too much, but the main body of the movie contains an incredible amount of information, most (if not all) of which is incontrovertible. The photos of glaciers today vs. 15-30 years ago cannot be denied, nor can the fact that the largest lake in Africa has dried up completely, and parts of China are showing record flooding while neighboring provinces are experiencing droughts like nothing they've seen before. Gore presents all the data in a clear, concise monologue, with a lot more warmth and personality than most of us have ever had the chance to see. This is not the man targeted by every political cartoonist as an automaton, and wooden non-person with no original thoughts. This is the man we had been told existed, speaking about an issue which deeply and personally concerns him.

I urge everyone who reads this to see this movie. It doesn't matter what your political position is, or what your opinion on global warming is. I believe that only an informed opinion can make a difference, and not to be trite, but the only way to be informed is to go out and get the facts. Roger Ebert said for the first time of any movie, "You owe it to yourself to see it". Someone else, and God help me but I can't remember who, put it best, imho: "If you don't see this movie, and one day you have grandchildren, what reason are you going to give them?" I also feel very strongly about this issue, and my first step is to try and educate anyone who will listen. I want to be able to take my future children to the National Parks, take them hiking in the mountains where you can still see wildlife in their natural habitat; hell, I just want to be able to show them Nature as it was intended to be. Don't you?

You too can be an artist!

2006-06-26T23:54:00.000-07:00

It's late, and I can't think of a witty intro to my very own Picasso, so I'll just let you look at it.

Thank you to my friend Jimmy, who showed me this site.

Bonnaroo

2006-06-20T12:48:00.000-07:00

Bonnaroo, man. I can't even talk about it. What an awesome experience. We went to Bonnaroo back in '03. My first festival. It literally changed my life. For the first time, I knew there were other people out there like me, people who would accept who I am no matter how strange or unusual or different, or completely ordinary. For the first time, I felt like part of a community. I wasn't alone anymore. Now take that experience, add the combined knowledge of two subsequent festivals (Coventry in '04 and AllGood in '05), throw in a kick-ass camp setup, and top it all off with some of the greatest music ever, and you have Bonnaroo '06.

We left on Thursday morning. Made a trip to Wal-Mart, one to Home Depot, two farmer's markets, and away we were. It took about 8 hours one way. Last time, we were in traffic for fifteen hours waiting to get in. No lie. This year, there was about 100 yards worth of traffic at the exit. They had traffic diverted to another exit to split the flow, but we stayed on the Interstate to the exit on the directions and we were right in the gate. I think from the time we hit the line to the time we were parked at our campsite was about 45 minutes. We immediately set up camp, since we were setting up for four people and had to get space for two tents. The people parked next to us were camping with friends elsewhere, so it worked out. Andy and Mike didn't show up until after midnight, but we had their tent all ready for them. We had a canopy this year, 9' x 12' and screened in on all sides. Chris built a collapsible frame for the grill we got from our neighbor, in fact he was finishing it at Bonnaroo after we got the campsite set up, and we rented a two-burner stove from the base marina. We also rented a couple of camp chairs and a 178-quart cooler, which took up almost the entire backseat of my car, but easily fit food for four people for four days. More than enough, actually. We had two guys camping behind us who had never been to a festival before, and didn't realize they were stuck there until the end, so they had no tent and no food beyond a box of Pop-Tarts and a few bags of chips. They, and two others camping next to us, became part of our Bonnaroo family for the weekend, and there was food, shade and good times for everyone. Chris and I went into Centeroo (the main festival grounds) to look around until Andy and Mike got there. They had a Ferris Wheel almost as big as the one at Navy Pier in Chicago. You could see most of the camping grounds from the top, but I bet it looked a lot better in the daytime. After we got back to our camp, Andy called and told us where he was, and we could see the information balloon from where we were, so we started in that direction. After tramping through a field of knee-high wet grass, tearing down a fence, crossing a road, and cutting through a cow pasture, we finally got to their car and grabbed all their stuff. We didn't sleep that night, just stayed up with our old friends and our new friends, battling the cold and catching up on everything. The sunrise was beautiful.

We saw Oysterhead on Friday. Les Claypool on bass, Trey Anastasio on guitar, and Stuart Copland on drums. OH. MY. GOD. Anyone who's a fan of Primus, Phish or The Police would love this band. They played a great set. Nothing out of the ordinary, but rock-solid. The pinnacle of the show came at the end, and it was one of the most disturbing things I've ever seen (and maybe some of those with me). We had left our spot near the sound board to go sit by the bleachers in the back of the field. The band launched into their last song, a blazing version of "There Ain't No Cure for Suicide". As we were watching, this chick came running past us towards the guys wearing the yellow Safety shirts at the gate, followed by a guy who obviously knew her. She was yelling, "Help me!" and latched on to the nearest Safety guy. It looked at first like she was running from the guy following her, but he and the guy she was holding on to started to pry her off. She freaked, started yelling and grabbing at this guy's walkie-talkie mike on his shoulder. Once they got her off and on the ground, she immediately starting grooving out to the music. She was sitting with her friend behind her, and another guy had knelt down to make sure she was okay. She was obviously tripping on something, probably acid. I've never seen shrooms do that to anyone, they're more of a body trip. Anyway, everything looked fine until the Medical team showed up. One guy bent down to talk to her, and she turned to talk to him, and from that angle I could see her lips moving, saying, "Save me, save me, save me," over and over. They grabbed a stretcher out of their truck, brought it over, and that's when she flipped the fuck out. The music had been steadily building, and they were jamming, rising to a peak intensity that was so loud and with so much energy that while all this was happening not twenty feet in front of me, I couldn't hear a thing, just watch in mingled horror and sympathy as they physically picked her up, thrashing and screaming, and strapped her down on this stretcher. When the music stopped, I could hear her screaming, "Damon!! Damon!! Help meeee!!" As empathic as I am, I was almost in tears. Imagine, if you will, having a good trip suddenly take a turn for the worse. If you've never done it, you can't really imagine, and if you have, you know exacly what I mean. Now, in addition to being totally unable to control your trip, you're suddenly totally unable to control even yourself, as someone takes over and straps you down for you don't even know what purpose. It was necessary, but heartbreaking at the same time. I wonder how much she was on.

Tom Petty played Friday night, with Umphrey's McGhee and the Disco Biscuits playing the late-night show. We decided to skip Petty and take a nap for the late show, but Chris was the only one who made it. The rest of us crashed until the next morning. I heard both were great shows. They were both taped, and they're already up on the torrent lists, so I'll get to hear them soon.

Saturday was more or less a down day for all of us. It was USA vs. Italy in the World Cup soccer game, which they were showing in the cinema tent, and everyone was excited and getting wasted drunk in preperation. Chris got a little too drunk, and after having an outrageously good time at our camp, he passed out on the grass. When we couldn't wake him up, Andy and Mike decided to go ahead to the game, and I stayed with him. He hadn't slept by now in two days, so even though we couldn't get him into the tent, I figured it was good for him. They came back soon after, saying the line for the cinema tent was wrapped three times around, and there was no way they were getting in. Turned out to be a 1- 1 tie. I read a little of my book, they napped, and Chris woke up around 5, in time to see Modeski, Martin & Wood, which was the only show he wanted to see that day until the Superjam late-night show. He went by himself and said they played a great set. We walked down to Centeroo to try and catch a little of the Radiohead show later that night, and I got to hear Paranoid Android. That's all I really wanted. I had found some really good mushrooms earlier that day, and planned to take them for the Superjam, but I should have known better and paced myself. I haven't done shrooms in almost two years, and that first time was in my home, with one of my best friends. I'm not good with crowds in the first place, but after that first experience I thought I would be okay. I had an eighth, and I ate the whole bag before we left the campsite. I started feeling the effects right before we got through the entrance line into Centeroo, and as soon as we got to the show and sat down, I started sinking into the ground so fast I sicked up the rest. That's the best part about organics, though...your body is equipped not only with warning signals to let you know when you've had enough, but also with ways to get rid of anything it doesn't want. I had to get Chris to walk me back to camp, because I couldn't handle all the people and I was freezing. I just crawled into my sleeping bag and watched the back of my eyelids for a while. It was fun. I missed a rockin' show, though. Some people were pissed that there wasn't actually a Superjam. Usually the Superjam is just all the musicians at the festival on one stage, anyone who feels like it can show up, and you never know who's going to be there. This year, the Benevento Russo Duo played with Trey and Mike from Phish, and Phil Lesh guested on a few songs. Trey, Mike and the Duo are going on tour, and we're going to see them in Atlanta next month for my birthday, so now I'm definitely looking forward to that a lot more than I was.

We had spent the whole weekend waiting for Sunday. A lot of people left after Saturday night, the ones who had come to see Radiohead, but there were still probably 60,000+ people at the main stage on Sunday. We walked down to the main stage gate before it was open, and when it opened we walked around the sound board and right to the rail. There we stayed for the entire day. We sat through the first band, The Codetalkers. Eh. After that, the day got much better. First up was Bela Fleck & the Flecktones. I always love seeing them. They were at Bonnaroo '03, before I really knew who they were, and I got to see them a year and a half ago in Burris Hall at VT with Andy. They always play a great show, and this one was no different. They had a few new songs, and it was cool because I usually enjoy the songs I know more than the ones I don't, but I loved it all! After that, moe. came on stage and rocked out. I saw them last year in Atlanta and wasn't really impressed, but Chris went back and saw them there a few months ago, and said they had really pulled their sound together. He was so right! They were tighter, better jamming, with so much energy. They're going places, no doubt. It was a great show. Last, but certainly not least, we saw Phil & Friends. Everyone was so hyped up about this show, because like the Superjam, you never know who's going to show up and play. For those who don't know, Phil Lesh was the bass player for the Grateful Dead, and after Jerry died, he started Phil & Friends, a rotating group of great musicians who play incredible music. Mostly Dead tunes, but that night they also broke out with "All Along the Watchtower", "Gimme Shelter" and "Midnight Hour". There were no guests for this show, but in the current incarnation he has John Scofield on guitar and Joan Osbourne singing. Anyone remember "What if God was One of Us"? Trust me, she's grown up since then. She's GOOD. What an AMAZING show this was! They opened second set with "Shakedown Street", only my favorite Dead song ever. I couldn't have asked for a better end to the festival.

And that's it. We left late Monday morning, had lunch with Mike and Andy just outside of Chattanooga, and headed back to reality. We haven't even unpacked yet, just brought everything inside. In two weeks it'll be my birthday, a week and a half after that we'll be seeing the show in Atlanta, and two weeks after that we'll be out of here. I can't wait!

Rent This Movie!

2006-06-09T09:03:00.000-07:00

I was updating my profile, but apparently I only have a limited amount of space in which to express myself, so I'm going to post this quote here instead of trying futilely (is that a word?) to find space for it on my profile.

Favorite Quote of the Moment:

I know we haven't met, but I don't want to be an ant. You know? I mean, it's like we go through life with our antennas bouncing off one another, continously on ant autopilot, with nothing really human required of us. Stop. Go. Walk here. Drive there. All action basically for survival. All communication simply to keep this ant colony buzzing along in an efficient, polite manner. "Here's your change." "Paper or plastic?' "Credit or debit?" "You want ketchup with that?" I don't want a straw. I want real human moments. I want to see you. I want you to see me. I don't want to give that up. I don't want to be ant, you know?
~Waking Life

Slowly...going...insane...

2006-06-08T09:39:00.000-07:00

My brain is fuzzy. I'm picking fights with my husband, who's wonderful enough to understand that I don't really mean it, I'm just lashing out from the slowly mounting stress of being. Doesn't make me feel much better, though. I'm so bored. I sleep half the day from a lack of anything better to do. School can't happen fast enough. Hell, a change of scenery can't happen fast enough. One full day of hiking, that's all I need. Recharge my batteries and do some mental spring cleaning. I know I keep talking about how much I want to leave Florida, but I can't help it, it's the biggest thing on my mind right now. The rest of my day-to-day life is overshadowed by the fact that I'm here. It's easier not to think.

Baby Rodents

2006-06-07T11:47:00.000-07:00

So, here's the thing. I've always known I wanted to own a snake. Since I already have rodents, I figured, why not breed my own food? I adopted two male rats from a coworker, and one of my girls (Cayla, my black) is nice and healthy. Unfortunately, when such a decision is made without proper planning, it will sometimes not go as planned.

Out of the three girl rats I have of breeding age (Mona is too old), only the one I wanted to breed did not get pregnant. My two hairless rats did instead! I was worried about Briea, she's my albino and small for her age, but not only did she deliver all by herself with no complications, she's now the proud mommy of twelve pinky rats! She started delivering on Monday right before I left for work. Baby started delivering last night when I got home from work, and she ended up with four. Small litter for rats, but she's doing fine. I'm going to let them keep these babies to raise, and once they're weaned I'll keep a male and two or three femailes to start a breeding colony. The others will go to work as feeders, and I will get credit towards more food (with six rats and two mice, they eat a lot). My pair of mice had a litter a few days ago, ten pinkies. I took one into work yesterday to see if my corn snake would eat it, but he's still too small for even pinky mice. We fed it to a tank full of cichlids instead. It wasn't pretty. I'm going to let them keep those ten, and after they are grown I'll start collecting pinkies to freeze and store. I'll have to see if I can get a good picture of the corn snake I'm watching at work. I can't bring him home until he starts eating on his own, which means no one else can have him either, and I've pretty much established preference on him. I hope.

I watched Briea give birth to one of her babies before I went to work yesterday. It's funny, I can view them with complete detatchment as a food source (I'm a reptile person at heart), but it's still awe-inspiring to witness a birth.

56 days

2006-06-02T16:04:00.000-07:00

56 days. Every day it gets a little harder. I'm going to have to start packing soon, I'd hate to wait until the last minute again. Hell, half of this stuff I don't even want to take with me. I bought a 30 gallon tank and a stand last night. Now I"m just waiting on the corn snake I want to start eating on his own. He's a hatchling. Very cute. One of our customers has a three week old kitten she wants to get rid of when it's old enough. Black with a long tail, exactly the kind I want. I told her to call me at the end of July if she still had it. I also want a siamese, but I doubt I'll stumble across one for free like I did with this kitten. I'm not getting any more pet rats. They're adorable, but I'm not really a small animal kind of person. I love reptiles, always have. Moving's going to be a bitch, what with all the animals, and my plants. Oh, yeah, forgot about the fish. That's not a big deal, though. One betta and one feeder fish in a 2.5 gallon tank.

There's a knock at my door. Holy shit, Bonnaroo tickets are here! Two weeks from now, we'll be in Manchester, TN. No work, no worries for a whole weekend. I might even be able to find some decent weed, enough to last me until we move out of this hellhole. It'll be good to be around good vibes again, even if it is just for a few days. Andy's going to be there. I don't know who's coming with him, probably someone I know, but possibly not. This is shaping up to be a rockin' good time!

Don't Blame MySpace

2006-05-30T21:37:00.000-07:00

One of my friends posted this in a bulletin on my MySpace page. I'm not sure who wrote it originally, but I'm reposting it verbatim.

Body: Anybody happen to catch Nightline last night on ABC? In case you didn't, one of the hot topics discussed was MySpace. It is no secret to anyone who reads the newspaper or watches the 6 o'clock news that MySpace has been in the limelight because of "sexual predators" trying to "abduct and corrupt" the youth of the world. To this I say bullshit! I see dozens of profiles a day showing 14 year old girls dressed like sluts, wearing four inches of make up and 32 layers of eyeliner, displaying their age as 18 years old and profile lines stating "Oh, I'm So Sexy" or "Hey There, Wanna Check Up On It?" Come the fuck on! The youth of today's world are already corrupt enough due to the undying need to be "older" than they really are. I seriously doubt there are tons of people on MySpace stalking "innocent young girls" who just happen to have tramped up profiles and ages 4 years greater than their own.

On Nightline, there was a story of a 12 year old girl who was a drug-addict and attributed it all to MySpace. She claims that MySpace allowed her to easily find drug dealers in her area, as well as older men to have sex with her. Now, at the age of 14, she has been checked into a drug-rehabilitation clinic and has been away from her family for 5 months. Her parents would rather place the blame squarely on the shoulders of MySpace instead of their daughter, who even admitted that at the age of 12, had already tried weed, crack, X, and had slept with numerous guys older than herself...but of course, it wasn't her fault, it was all because of MySpace.

One again, COME THE FUCK ON! When are parents and children going to stop passing the blame and grow up enough to take responsibility for their actions and the actions of their children.. Parent;s, monitor your children online, take some responsibility for YOUR children. Children, if a profile name sounds like something that comes out of a cheap horror movie, like "DARK ANGEL OF DEATH WHO EATS THE BRAINS OF GIRLS"...chances are you DO NOT WANT TO ADD THEM AS A FRIEND. Apparently there is new legislation in Congress now to block MySpace in all public schools and public libraries across the United States. All because little girls want to act grown and don't want to accept the consequences and parents don't want to accept the fact that their "innocent little girls" are posing as 18 year old crack whores trying to buy drugs.

Eventually, if this continues, MySpace could be totally outlawed from the Internet. Restrictions will be put in place in order to make MySpace "safer". I don't know about you, but I use MySpace to keep in touch with my family and friends, use it for messages, and just to have a space that is my own. Just because some children want to act grown, does that mean I may have to eventually give up my MySpace? If you feel the same way I do, please, repost this in your blogs or bulletins, or both as "STOP BLAMING MYSPACE". If enough people post this and spread the word, maybe people will get the picture and stop blaming MySpace for every little thing that their children do wrong. As user of MySpace, we should all repost this and take some sort of action. This is not a chain letter, and nothing will happen to you if you don't repost this in 321654987 seconds. However, of all bulletins you will read today, I am sure that this one is the only one that actually has a point to it. So please, have some common sense, and repost this.

I started using MySpace recently, after the realization that my husband, brother, sister, and several close friends were already on it. I am now saddened by the possibility that something I use to keep in touch with people all over the country might be shut down by the irresponsibility of the majority. I don't really have any deep thoughts on the issue, but I wanted to make sure everyone was aware of what's going on.

Robert Jordan is God

2006-05-23T13:42:00.000-07:00

Is anyone else reading Jordan's Wheel of Time series? I was up until 3 a.m. last night (um, this morning) finishing Knife of Dreams. Still some unresolved situations, but I'm very glad many of the main plot threads were finally tied up, because I promised myself I wasn't touching these books again until he's bloody well finished! Or until I finish college and have the time to sit with them again, whichever comes second. I'm patient. Besides, even now it takes me months to read it all. For anyone who's reading the series but has not yet read this book, stop reading NOW. Otherwise, you're going to be disappointed.

Rand lost his left hand capturing Semhirage, who was posing as the Daughter of the Nine Moons after killing the ENTIRE Imperial Family of the Seanchan, with the exeption of Tuon herself. Suoroth, who, as it turns out, is a Darkfriend, was in a bargain with Semhirage to become the next Empress once the real Daughter of the Nine Moons could be found and killed. Rand also gave the rebel Aes Sedai permission to bond 47 more Asha'man to even out the numbers with the 51 Sisters the Asha'man had bonded already. However, it was the Tower Aes Sedai, all Reds, who approached the Black Tower, after Tarna (the new Keeper) convinced the Reds it was the only way to keep the Asha'man under control. The M'Hael gave them permission, but does he know of Rand's permission to the other Sisters? We don't even know if he's planning to betray Rand, although all signs point that way. Nynaeve, Lan, and Loial, among others, were with Rand. Loial's mother, along with Eldar Haran and Erith, finally caught up to Loial, and they married him and Erith on the spot. He's going back to the Stedding, but Eldar Haran has agreed to go search for and close the remaining Waygates, trusting Loail to speak to the Stump about the Ogier fighting in the Last Battle, although Loial is far too young for it under norman circumstances. Lan is convinced that the Last Battle will begin in the Blight, so Nynaeve sent Lan through a gateway back to the Borderlands, but at the World's End in Saldea, so he would have to ride across the entire Borderlands to reach his destination. She then Traveled all along his route, raising the lost Malkieri to ride with him when he comes.

Perrin, in hopes of rescuing Faile, made a deal with the Seanchan. In return for their assistance in battle, they were allowed to collar every Shaido Wise One they could get their hands on. They agreed, and after 52 days, he attacked the Shaido camp. Faile and her followers had thought Galina was going to help them escape, as she had promised, but they did not know she was Black Ajah, and she buried them in a basement and left them for dead the day of the attack. Rolan and some others found them and got them out, just in time for Perrin to come, killing Rolan and rescuing Faile at last, along with Alliendre and Maighdin. I wonder if Elayne will ever be reunited with her mother, and know she is not murdered after all? Aram is dead, killed by Perrin, after being convinced by Masema that Perrin's golden eyes meant he was a Darkfriend and deciding to "save Faile from him". Masema got away, with about two hundred of his followers. Bad news. Sevanna was captured by the Seanchan, and Galina was recaptured by Therava and the rest of the Shaido retreating back to the Three-Fold Land, never to leave again. Too bad for her.

Mat, after leaving Valan Luca's Grand Traveling Show and Magnificent Display of Marvels and Wonders (the man does think highly of himself) with Tuon and the rest, heads for the mountains, only to find Seanchan blocking their path. He is caught up with by a band of Deathwatch Guards, led by a man who was once Tuon's personal bodyguard, who offers to take her back to Ebou Dar safely. She finally marries Mat, and gets back to Ebou Dar to strip Surouth of her name and titles and send her to be sold as property, since it was she who planned Tuon's murder.

Elayne is still pregnant. After having Captain Mellar followed successfully, she has enough proof to name him Darkfriend, and to capture two of the Black Ajah she, Egwene and Nynaeve were sent to hunt all those books ago. They go, only to find six, not two, and Elayne is captured. She is rescued in due time, and fortunately for her, Arymilla's army decides to attack the city gates at the same time. Elayne's army is able to catch them from behind, with the gate still shut, and capture her rival and all her supporters. All but Arymilla publish their support for Elayne the next day. Her other opponents, behind Ellorien, come to parley and discuss the Borderland army on their border, but when they learn it was Elayne herself who gave them safe passage through Andor, all but Ellorien throw support for Elayne. She has the Houses behind her she needs to take the Throne of Andor.

Egwene has been captured and returned to novice white inside the Tower, but she refuses to yield her position as rightful Amyrlin. She endures many trips to the Mistress of Novices, being beaten several times a day, but she understands the Aiel way of embracing pain and refuses to let it sway her. She is planting seeds of discontent among the sisters from within, and it seems to be working. I do believe Elaida will fall yet.

There, now maybe I won't have to go back and re-read the entire series when I pick up with the next book. Then again, maybe I'll do it anyway :)

Hollywood and religion don't mix

2006-05-18T06:53:00.000-07:00

"The DaVinci Code" premiered at the Cannes film festival yesterday. The critics, for the most part, HATED it. From E!Online:

"I haven't read the book, but there was just a ridiculous amount of exposition," wrote Lee Marshall of Screen International. "I thought it was plodding, and there was a complete lack of chemistry between Audrey Tautou and Tom Hanks."

"Tom Hanks was a zombie; thank goodness for Ian McKellen. It was overplayed, there was too much music--and it was much too grandiose," the Boston Globe's Peter Brunette told Agence France-Presse.

The Hollywood Reporter's Kirk Honeycutt refused to grant it absolution either.

The filmmakers "can't do much...with mostly colorless characters designed around idiosyncrasies and weird scholarly talents--sort of academic X-Men--rather than flesh-and-blood personalities," he wrote, though he did hasten to lavish praise on (X-Men star) Ian McKellen for delivering Da Vinci's sole redeeming performance.

During the closing credits, rather than applaud, Cannes' traditionally tough audience fell into a sustained silence punctuated only by the occasionally disdainful catcall.

I think I'm still going to see it. I've read the book, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. I love Dan Brown's style of writing, his meticulous attention to detail, and his choice of subject matter. Angels and Demons is still my favorite. I'm not expecting to enjoy it or not enjoy it, I just want to see how it was adapted. In my experience, a lot of books don't make good movies because there's so much more you can say in a book that you can't necessarily translate to a visual medium.

And honestly, I think the whole protesting scene is a little much. Christians are so immutable about their faith, which I think is a drawback. Open-mindedness is one of the true tenets of faith. I'm not saying I believe Jesus DID marry and have a child, but I certainly think it's possible, considering everything I've read about the history of Christianity and the teachings of Jesus himself. He was just a prophet, and a man. Unfortunately, I don't think we'll ever know the truth.

Either way, it's just a movie, folks. Get over it.

Can't sleep

2006-05-17T23:45:00.000-07:00

I know the mind uses down time to go over things, but it sucks when you're trying to sleep. Here's what's on my mind.

*I have to clean my whole apartment in the next week. It looked good a month ago, but ever since the horrible sunburn incident (tomorrow will be 4 weeks), it all went to shit. Not much time to clean when you're focusing on trying to walk. I can't seem to motivate myself to get up early enough to get anything constructive done, and when I sleep in I just don't feel like doing anything. We have friends coming to visit next Thursday. Gotts get motivated.

*Bonnaroo is coming up in about 4 weeks. I hope I get the weekend off. I've asked for it in plenty of time, but a few days ago we get this post at work that "too many people are asking for weekends, summer is the busy season, we need you all here, blah, blah, blah." If they don't give me all 5 days, I'm going to quit. I've been looking foward to this for too long, and the tickets were too expensive to give up. I hope it doesn't come down to that, I really like working where I am (in a pet store, for those who don't know), but I don't need the job. It's just extra money and something to do.

*Going back to college has me excited and worried at the same time. I stll have to file my FAFSA, just waiting on a few financial figures, and I still have to call and argue with the Admissions department about my in-state tuition. I was a Virginia resident when I left, I left because my spouse had military orders to leave, I still have a VA driver's license, and I'm registered to vote. My car's not registered in VA because it's still in my stepfather's name first, since he co-signed the loan for me. That's getting taken care of by the end of the week. On the other hand, getting back into academia is something I need to do, and getting back in the mountains again is something I look forward to harder every day. Life is going to change completely in a matter of months.

*I hope we can manage all the recreation and planned purchases and still have enough money left over to move and get started in Blacksburg. That comes first, of course, I just hope we don't have to give up anything else. Depends on how much money I make between now and moving day (and how long I keep my job).

*I miss my friends back home. After we moved down here in February last year, we went back in June, then I went back in late October. 4 months and 4 months. It's now been 7 months since we've been back, with 2.5 left to go. I have a few friends here, but I don't get to see them as often as I'd like, either because schedules don't work out or because they live far enough away that it's difficult to find time. This is not the right environment for either of us.

Well, I've finished my cigarette, and told my story. Maybe now I can get some sleep. Goodnight, and may the Goddess smile upon you all.

Addendum

2006-05-16T21:25:00.000-07:00

Yes, they are rats. Baby is a hairless, and Briea is a hairless albino. She was my first. Cayla was meant as a friend for Briea, but they didn't get along very well. Baby I adopted from a customer who thought her 9-year old daughter could take care of her by herself. Yeah, right. My other three are Mona, a year-old white rat with a gray head and gray stripe down her back, adopted from a co-worker who's going to have a baby, and Sam and Ralph, black hooded white and black respectively. I adopted them from another co-worker who couldn't keep up with four rats, a ferret and a cockatiel. I also have two mice that I'm trying to breed, since I'm planning on getting a hatchling corn snake soon and I don't want to have to buy all its food. I would like to have pictures of all of them up eventually, but unfortunately I found out a camera phone takes horrible pictures and my regular film takes about a week and half, since I'm sending it off to Snapfish.com. More to come!

Baby Pictures :)

2006-05-16T07:49:00.000-07:00

I finally got some good pictures of the girls, so I thought I'd share them.

Not a good picture of me, but a great one of them! That's Briea, Baby and Cayla, respectively.

I don't have any pictures of my adopted three yet, but I hope to get some good ones soon. It's so hard to get them to hold still!

Fake News

2006-05-14T19:09:00.000-07:00

Alright, Jimmy, I racked my brain for three days, and here's what I got. Enjoy.

Guess what happened to me...

2006-05-08T20:12:00.000-07:00

Say hello to the new college student!

Last week, I was accepted into New River Community College in Dublin, VA. Today, I registered for classes. I'm taking US History, Pre-Calc, General Biology, and Chemistry. I haven't been to school in 6 years, so taking refresher courses (I took Calc and Advanced Bio in high school) seemed prudent. Since I registered before all the high schools let out, I managed to get a SWEET schedule! Get this: Monday, Wednesday and Friday I have classes from 9:05 until 2:20. Three classes, with an hour between each one. Tuesday and Thursday I have one class from 9:30 until 10:50, and each day a lab from 11:15 to 2:15. Chem on Tuesday, Bio on Thursday. I'll be home by 3, so a part-time night job is a distinct possibility. We move back to VA at the end of July, and classes don't start until 23 August, so I'll have plenty of time to check out the campus, hang out in town, hike, camp, visit friends and family, and generally settle down before I have to start studying. I can't even begin to tell you how excited I am! I've been looking forward to this for almost two years. Plus, if I can get straight A's, I may be able to transfer to VT in the spring, instead of having to wait until next fall. I don't know what I did to get such good karma, but whatever it was, I hope I keep doing it!

A glimpse of the future

2006-04-30T20:31:00.000-07:00

I met a man at my first Beltane celebration who was introduced to me as a clairvoyant, and from all accounts an extremely accurate one. After listening to a conversation I was having with another girl there about how many deja vu dreams we have, even though we don't remember them until they happen, he told us both that by the time we were in our forties, we would be reading people. I've always had a desire to study Tarot, but lack the self-confidence to try. He said that practice was not the important thing; it is trust in your ability. I wonder.

Karma

2006-04-28T19:53:00.000-07:00

The plan was simple - drive to Mississippi, pick up my Jazz Fest buddy, go to New Orleans, and have a great time. Unfortunately, simple plans are the most easily fucked up.

Let me first say I'm not in any way angry or upset by the way today turned out. The universe has a way of making itself heard, and when it does, you listen.

After arriving in NO and finding a sweet parking spot right by the fairgrounds, we cabbed it down to the French Quarter for some sightseeing and biegnets. We actually made into Cafe du Monde, but then...the phone rang. In hindsight, I should have known what was coming. I am rather blind to the world around me sometimes.

Let me digress. Jazz Fest, and all the accompanied plans, happened to come just after said friend's dad came off chemo. Having checked with dad on whether or not it was okay for him to go, he decided to go, since we would be back that same day.

So, phone call. Dad says he's dying, and is asking for his son. It's time for him to go home. He wants me to come back to the Fest and have a good time, and considering the situation, I know I'll be better off doing just that. On the way back, my concentration wavers long enough for me to almost run someone off the road changing lanes. That's going to come back to haunt me, I know. I manage to find a parking spot not far from the one I had, and in to the Fest I go. It's now 2:30, and I've got plenty of time to catch Bob Dylan! The crowd is ridiculous, but at least I find a spot by the speakers. I called Chris so he could at least hear the show (a good 40 minutes of it at least), and eventually I wander off to find some food. Mmm, gumbo! Wander, wander, wander, look at booths, wander, and finally over to Heritage Square. I got Mom a Mother's Day gift, and myself some long-awaited biegnets. 6:30, and it's time for me to head home.

Karma. I love it. I get back to my car, and what's that on the windshield? Yes, that's right. A parking ticket. Guess I wasn't supposed to park that close to the intersection. But if that's the only bad karma I had to incur for my lapse on the road, I consider it fair trade. I come back to my friend's house to find Dad still alive, although by all reports he doesn't want to be anymore.

I hate the fact that we are not allowed to choose when we want to die. I understand the initial reasoning behind the law, but I also believe that since those reasons are primarily religious in nature, they should not be law over everyone, because not everyone believes. He knows what's coming, and he's ready for it. But hey, who am I to play God?

Got to admit, it's getting better

2006-04-26T20:39:00.000-07:00

I hate sunburn.

6 days. It's been 6 days, and parts of me are still purple. Today I finally managed to get around work for my entire five-hour shift without lurching like a drunken sailor. Two days ago, it took me 10 minutes just to get my pants on. If things continue this way, I just might be able to get through Jazz Fest without a hitch. I guess I'll know on Friday.

Jazz Fest is my current "event to look forward to". Following that will be Bonnaroo in June, my birthday (and possibly a Black Crowes concert) in early July, and Chris's birthday/last day in Hell (er, Florida) on July 28. After that, who knows? We can't move in to our house until Aug 1. There's a possible trip to Savannah in the works for that weekend, which I hope we can swing. I've always wanted to see Savannah.

Why is it that even though every day is exactly the same length as the next (give or take a few seconds), the days leading up to any big event always seem to stretch out interminably long?

The March of War

2006-04-25T11:40:00.000-07:00

This is really about why guns suck nowadays, but I realized it could be counted for more than that...I just had to get it out.

You are cowards; you have no honor.
You shoot at one onother from the shadows,
slinking like dogs, hiding like soldiers.
What of the days of noble war?
What of the sword and the lance?
No longer a game of skill, yours is a peformance
of attitude: Who wants to die today? Not me.
No longer do you wish to see the eyes of the man you bring down.
Perhaps it helps you think your soul is not damned with his.
No longer do you duel for what is right, but what is small.
A careless word, an imagined insult.
No longer do you stand on the side of good.
Now the good guys are hunting you down.