What a rollercoaster of a weekend.
We had some new friends come over to hang out Saturday night, and it was good. Lots of beer, lots of great conversation...lots of connecting. I don't make friends often, being an introvert has that side effect, and besides, I don't feel like wasting my time on people I can't really connect with. It's so GOOD to find good people! Maybe I don't have a way with words, but I know what I know.
And I know that after they left, everything changed. I witnessed a falling out such as I never imagined was possible, between two people I thought would be close forever. I lay in bed, trying to sleep, listening to a conversation I didn't think these two people could have. So much pain, and bitterness, and cruelty, so much that I didn't even realize existed here, pouring out in a torrent of harsh words. Can I tell you something? I locked my bedroom door against the man I love that night. I didn't know where he was, but I knew he wasn't the man trying to get in. Deja vu, anyone?
We finally talked about it last night. It feels so good to be able to lay things to rest without the bitterness and drama I've grown used to with others. It's hard to see things change, especially for someone like me who, although I love adventure, thrives on familiarity. But, I've also had to learn that I can't stop change, and when it doesn't directly affect me, I have to let go and let it happen. Roll with the punches, as it were. Go with the flow. Give me a minute, I'll come up with another cliche. Just when I think I understand what it means to be married, to have that kind of commitment, something happens that threatens to shatter it, only to show me in the end that what I think of as commitment doesn't even scratch the surface. Do I have the strength to stay the course, no matter what? I think so. I don't want it any other way.
About Me
- Heather
- Blacksburg, Virginia, United States
- Where to start? Well, start at the beginning, as the Mad Hatter said, and when you get to the end...stop. I'm 25, married, and living in the mountains. I'm a student at Virginia Tech, working towards a BS in Crop & Soil Environmental Sciences (yeah, it's a long major) with a focus in agro-ecology, and a BA in Philosophy. My husband and I welcomed our son into the world on February 6 of this year. We hadn't planned on a family so soon, but if it's happening, it must be for a reason! My philosophy is this: Every moment could be your last. Never let an opportunity go by to tell the people you love how much they mean to you. Always ask yourself, "What can I learn today?" And above all, never let anyone else tell you how to live your life. Only you will know what is important to you. "All you touch and all you see / Is all your life will ever be" ~Pink Floyd
5 comments:
Been thinking of you, kiddo.
You are my hero.
&
Although I believe love is mostly a choice (or series of choices), there is an intangible, something that keeps us coming back when the thrill starts to fade and you wonder what the hell you got yourself into.
It's that unknown that I enjoy. That "thing" that keeps us coming back, even after we say and hear things that break the heart. That's pretty cool, I think.
Heather, I can relate with you so well. It's amazing the things that come out of our mouths, especially with those that we love the most. I, for one, don't know how my husband has tolerated the ugly and vile things I've said to him through the years. All I do know is that he hasn't left yet and for that, I am thankful.
You know something? It's very heartening to have the more experienced bloggers know where I'm coming from. It makes me feel like I'm doing something right.
Fletch, I miss you too. Why don't you take a vacation and come down for a visit? The mountains will do you good, I think.
I know what you mean about that thing, Jimmy. For me, it's that little voice in my soul that keeps reminding me that no matter how frustrated I get or how doubtful I am, I made the right decision, I'm with the right person, and there's so much more for us to experience together.
And dammit, Defiant, I don't even know your real name, but I think not only can I relate to you most here, but I can also tie this all in. When you have that thing, you also have that little part of you that knows that even if you shouldn't say some things, you can get away with it, because true love forgives everything. Maybe that's why some people say love is irrational. I could expound on this at length, about why people get divorced and how that directly relates to their understanding of love, but I won't do so on a comments page.
You guys are the best. I appreciate your insights more than I can say.
:)
Your words have wisdom. I should make time for a vacation. I love your mountains.
I didn't even MEAN for that pun.
&
Post a Comment