Dear Diary

Life is good.

I had a great holiday! Chris and I went home to MD to spend Christmas with our families. We spent the day with my dad and stepmom the day before. I wish I could get up to see them more. Christmas morning we opened presents with Chris's family, then he stayed there while I went to the big family gathering at my mom and stepdad's house. Later that night, after all the extended family had gone home, Chris came over and we opened the rest of our presents from my family. I'm not really a materialistic person, but I got some kick-ass gifts! Most exciting was the LOTR box set, which I specifically asked for, and which I spent about a week watching (along with all the accompanying documentaries). I also got a bird feeder from my mom-in-law, and five of the field guides from the Audubon Society. I can't wait for spring!

Chris left the day after Christmas to come home (he had to go back to work), but I stayed for the rest of the week and visited all my friends. Most exciting was when my sister and I spent an evening over in Woodbridge, hanging out with a friend from high school we hadn't seen in about five years. He had my junior yearbook, which I spent a delightful hour browsing through, remembering a lot of good times I had completely forgotten about. It was surprisingly liberating, to realize how different high school actually was from the way I remember it. I also got to spend a day with Fletcher, which also doesn't happen often enough. I miss you, Puck! I even got to hang out with my little brother and his friend Jake, both of whom have turned into incredibly well-rounded and interesting young men. They're 15 now, and both pretty mature for their age. I seriously wish I could be around more often.

Two days before Christmas, Chris was changing the oil in our car when it popped out of gear, rolled off the ramps, down a hill, and into a tree. That's all she wrote - no more Echo. I was heartbroken...I bought that car three years ago, with three miles on it, and I thought I was going to have it until it died. Well, I guess I did, huh? I just thought it would be another ten years or so before it gave up the ghost. Thankfully, there were no serious injuries, although it ran over Chris's knee and and he scraped up his back on the gravel. He limped for a few days, then he was okay. The insurance company paid for a rental, so we were able to go home and see our families, and Toyota financed us for a new Scion. You know, repeat business and all that. Not a bad car, when it's all said and done, but it does have one major drawback...it's white. I can't STAND white cars! But oh, well, beggars can't be choosers, and at least I have power windows and mirrors now. Can't really complain about that.

I got a job last week. I'm working full-time at the hotel right up the street from my house. Not a bad job, really, but I don't think I'm going to be full-time for long. I have almost no time to do my homework, and this semester I absolutely cannot afford to screw up. Why, you ask? Well, I had an admissions appointment today with a counselor from VT, and she told me that as long as my mid-semester grades are anywhere close to my grades from last semester, I'm in. I'M IN!!!! I'm going to Tech in the fall!! WOOOOOHOOOOO!!! :) That's very exciting (duh). I can't tell you how glad I am to be back in school. I actually got depressed after New Years', because I was so bored. I was sleeping 14 hours a day. Not cool.

My mom drove me home New Years' weekend, and my sister and brother-in-law came with. They only stayed overnight, but I got to take them on a short hike up to Wind Rock, which is on the Appalachian Trail, and it has a great view of the mountain range. Even in the wintertime it's breathtaking. The road up to Wind Rock also goes through Mountain Lake resort, the location where Dirty Dancing was filmed. Mom thought that was pretty cool. I took them around campus, and showed them downtown Blacksburg. I'm so glad my mom finally got to come and see where I'm living now, and where I'll be going to school. It was always important to me.

It's snowing here. Not much, and there's a bastard of a wind chill, but it's nice to see snow again. We had an ice storm a few days ago, and the ice was so thick on the pine trees in the yard that the lowest branches were almost on the ground. It all melted the next day, but not before we got out there and took some pictures. Hopefully we can get them developed soon.

School isn't much different from last semester, since I'm taking the same classes. One new teacher, a few different class locations, and my history paper this semester is on Andy Warhol. That's gonna be fun, I'm sure. My backpacking class doesn't start until mid-March. I can't wait!

I guess that's about it for now. It's good to be back.

:)

It's that time again....

Like most of you, I haven't had much time for blogging lately. Actually, I haven't had much to blog about, until recently. But I find myself sitting in front of the computer, most of my housework done, my inbox cleared, the animals fed, my husband at work, a cup of coffee next to me, and I realize it's a perfect time for reflecting. And so, I will attempt to get down on paper (sort of...) a summary of recent noteworthy events, and thus preserve them for posterity.

First, and most important....today was the deadline for final grades to be posted, and as expected, I ended the semester with a 4.0. As for that chem class I've been sweating all semester, ironically, I had the highest grade in the class - 99.4%, and anyone with an A was exempt from the final. I don't think I've ever had a 4.0, not even in high school...maybe for one quarter, but never at the end of the year. I'm only halfway through this year, but next semester I'm taking the second half of the subjects I just took, so I'm not worried. As an added bonus, even though I went into this past semester with the solitary goal of learning, I managed to make a few friends on the way, and even had a couple nights of study group at my house during finals week. We even had a bonfire here a week ago...a small affair, but fun and very laid-back, a good way to relax and forget temporarily the stress of math and science. I'm so glad I'm not living in an apartment anymore!

Christmas is only five days away. Chris and I are heading home on Sunday, and he'll be coming back here on Tuesday...back to work for him, say sorry. I, on the other hand, am in a unique position to stay at home for a few extra days and come back next weekend. It's so exciting!! Not only will I get to see my best friends whom I haven't seen since August (that means you, Fletch, I can't wait!), but my mom is bringing me back and staying overnight. I'll get to show her the town, and the VT campus, where I'll be going to school in the fall. It's nice because when I was at DePaul, Mom never got to see the campus...and when I was in high school and looking at colleges, she went to see a few with me. Besides, it's so beautiful here, I can't imagine anyone coming here and not being happier for it. My sister might be coming as well, which would be awesome!

I know I've been saying for months that I'd get some good pictures of Mojo up here...well, these aren't good pictures, but they're pictures, dammit! :)

Remember how small he was when I brought him home in August? No? Okay, here ya go:



It's been four and a half months since then, and he's growing so fast!



He's gotten a lot more red, even though he's a little dull right now...he'll probably shed in the next week.





That's about all I have for now...the computer's so damn slow right now anyway, what with all the shows Chris is downloading, I've been working on this post for about two hours, and I'm hungry! Happy Yule, everyone!

Rollercoaster

What a rollercoaster of a weekend.

We had some new friends come over to hang out Saturday night, and it was good. Lots of beer, lots of great conversation...lots of connecting. I don't make friends often, being an introvert has that side effect, and besides, I don't feel like wasting my time on people I can't really connect with. It's so GOOD to find good people! Maybe I don't have a way with words, but I know what I know.

And I know that after they left, everything changed. I witnessed a falling out such as I never imagined was possible, between two people I thought would be close forever. I lay in bed, trying to sleep, listening to a conversation I didn't think these two people could have. So much pain, and bitterness, and cruelty, so much that I didn't even realize existed here, pouring out in a torrent of harsh words. Can I tell you something? I locked my bedroom door against the man I love that night. I didn't know where he was, but I knew he wasn't the man trying to get in. Deja vu, anyone?

We finally talked about it last night. It feels so good to be able to lay things to rest without the bitterness and drama I've grown used to with others. It's hard to see things change, especially for someone like me who, although I love adventure, thrives on familiarity. But, I've also had to learn that I can't stop change, and when it doesn't directly affect me, I have to let go and let it happen. Roll with the punches, as it were. Go with the flow. Give me a minute, I'll come up with another cliche. Just when I think I understand what it means to be married, to have that kind of commitment, something happens that threatens to shatter it, only to show me in the end that what I think of as commitment doesn't even scratch the surface. Do I have the strength to stay the course, no matter what? I think so. I don't want it any other way.

Farmhouse

I spent the weekend on my friend E's farm up near Strasburg. Chris and I had planned to drive up to Pittsburgh together to pick up our roommate, who stayed with his folks for the rest of the week after the Tool show, but when E called me and told me he was having an uber-bonfire on Saturday, I couldn't think of anywhere else I'd rather have been. So, I had Chris drop me off on the way up to PA Friday night with my tent and sleeping bag, and there I stayed until Sunday evening.

Oh, there was so much work to be done.

I've gotta tell you about this place. It's Civil War era, about 200 years old. 2 acres, with an old stone cottage, a barn, a chicken coop that's off its foundation, an office/milking building (it was a dairy farm back in the 1960's), and a building of undefined use in the corner. Oh, and an open garage, and next to that an outhouse. The ultimate goals are to turn the barn into a metalworking shop, the stray building into a guest cottage, the office into a livable building for the time being, and the stone cottage into a permanent home. The entire property had to be cleared from the start, and 6 months ago that work started. We didn't get to see it until the end of August when we moved back to VA, and even by then there was significant improvement. The barn needed a whole side wall rebuilt, the roof has almost been fixed, and quite a lot of the sumac trees choking every inch of the land have been cleared out. That's what we had to start with this weekend.

I wouldn't say we made headway in leaps and bounds, but we got a lot done. The roof was supposed to be finished Saturday, but we woke up to rain, so that plan was scrapped. We didn't do much until the afternoon, when it stopped raining, but all afternoon we hauled firewood from all over the property to the space for the bonfire. We cleared out all the dead wood from the space between the barn and the office, which was a lot of logs and quite a few dead sumac trees, branches and all. E and I made a grocery run, since his friend D was going to be cooking most of the food for the festivities that night, and I got stuff to make hot chocolate. I figured I'd be the only one drinking it, since most everyone else would probably be drinking beer, but what the hell, I wanted hot chocolate. Having the bonfire that night was incredibly chill and laid back, as always. It drizzled a bit, on and off, and rained for about 20 minutes at midnight, but it wasn't that bad. Made it a good night to burn. I met so many cool people that night. The next morning, talking to E, I reminisced about the group of people he was friends with when I first met him, and how we had both moved away from that group and formed new groups of friends, and how much fun it was to comingle with groups of chill people like that. I asked him, "Is it always this much fun to make new friends?" I'm pretty sure he knew what I meant. He was part of the first real group of friends I ever had, and that was years after high school. He said it was. That makes me look forward to what kind of people I will meet in the future.

The real work came on Sunday. Now that we had the field between the barn and the office cleared of brush, E wanted to pitch down some of the old straw in the upper part of the barn to spread over what was left and so leave it to decompose into good growing soil. The land is in the Shenendoah Valley, so it's already good soil, and this way the sumac wouldn't grow back and the land could be used for gardening. (In fact, he's already told me I can use a small plot for a garden of my own, if I come up to tend it during spring planting and fall harvesting...one more excuse to come up for the weekend!) Between E and myself, we cleared out an entire roomful of straw, about 10x20 feet, a few feet deep by the door but about 8 feet high in the pile at the other end. I cleared out a good deal of it myself, since E went down after a while to start moving it from the side of the barn to the field. I was soooooo sore the next day....but it was worth it.

Friday night, E, D and myself were sitting around the (small) fire talking, and D asked me why I was going to college. When I mentioned that in the end I really wanted to do just what E was doing, D said something to the effect of you can't learn the kinds of things you need to live off the land like that in school. And you know what? He's absolutely right. I want to know the why of things, so I go to class and learn about them, but the only way to learn how to maintain a farm like that is to actually do it. I can't think of a better reason to spend as much time as I can on this farm. Not only is E getting a willing pair of hands to help out, but I'm learning so much every time I'm there, and things as simple as the correct way to efficiently pitch straw can make a big difference when you have to do it yourself.

When Chris and Andy got back on Sunday, we all went down to the local pub and had dinner, BSed around a bit, and then the three of us headed home. Last night, Andy mentioned how cool E was, and how everything he said about everything was right. He said he'd never met anyone like that before. I just thought about different groups of friends, and smiled to myself. It's all happening.

Life update

15 days until the movers come. I have not started packing anything, or even going through things to decide what goes and what stays, although this little voice in the back of my mind keeps telling me I should, don't wait until the last minute, you don't want to be going through your stuff after it's already moved, just take what important and leave the rest. I'm living in this strange mix of permanent and temporary. I still have things packed away in boxes in various closets because we don't have the space to unpack everything we have, but it all seems so solid, we've been here for a year and a half now and it feels like forever. I can barely remember what this place looked like when we moved in last February. Oddly enough, as solid as it seems, it has never really felt like home. I haven't had a "home" since I left my parents six years ago. Oh, living with Fletch came close, I actually had a house and a roommate I was comfortable with, but I haven't had the opportunity to put down new roots since I pulled the last ones up, and I don't know when I'm going to have the chance again. I don't even know how long we'll be staying in VA this time. The thing is, though, I don't know whether or not I would be comfortable settling down in one place and not moving again. I suppose as long as I was able to travel, it would be okay, but living the same life day after day gets monotonous so quickly. That's why I wasn't ready to leave VA the first time, hanging out with the guys in Arlington there was always something different happening, and it never got old. I miss them. I hope I can find a way to settle in to the next chapter in my life as well as I have in the past, because the sooner this one is over, the better.

Chris is still hanging in there. He's stressing over the amount of work he still has to do, apparently there are two change of commands this week so instead of spending quality time in his office he and the rest of his squadron have been practicing for those, but he's managing. Things have been a little strained around the house. I've started likening it to childbirth; right towards the end everything gets harder, your patience wears thin and all you want is for it to be over and done with. At least, that's what I've read. I've never had children, so I don't know if that's true or not. But we both realize the situation we're in, which makes it easier to get through the strain and say, "This is only temporary, we can get through it, and things will be better soon." Not that they're "bad" now, but we're both snappish and preoccupied, and we don't see much of each other, since I'm working nights. We get a break in a few days, though! We're going to Atlanta for the weekend to see the GRAB show. That's Gordon, Russo, Anastasio, Benevento for all you non-Duo and non-Phish people. Check out www.trey.com, www.mike-gordon.com, www.phish.com or www.organanddrums.com to find out more (this means you, Jimmy!). These guys are incredible!

All the pets are doing fine. One of my fish died a few days ago, but I'm not that upset about it. As long as Wilson (my betta) is okay, that's all I'm worried about.



One of my mice is pregnant again. This will be her third litter. The other two females are still too young, I think, or maybe they haven't started showing yet. Doesn't really matter to me, the pinkies are all going in the freezer for my corn snake. Who, by the way, started eating on his own! I finally got him to eat a brained pinky three days ago (yes, that means I squished its head, deal with it), and Jennifer gave him a not-brained pinky yesterday, which he grabbed onto with relish (dill, not bread-n-butter :P). I will definitely be taking him with me when we move. He's starting to show some orange around his head, I think he's going to turn out to be a standard coloration, which is fine with me. I'll share some pictures as soon as I get them.

Not counting my days off, I have eleven days of work left. Work is...work. I think I'm going to miss about half a dozen people from my job, but most of them are Myspace friends, so I won't be completely cut off! I don't really have anything to say about my job.

Still waiting on my financial aid. *sigh*

Israel and Lebanon just went to war. I am now trying frantically to learn 2.000 years of Middle Eastern history so I will understand not only what's happening, but why. My husband did a wonderful job of giving me the layman's version, but I still wonder where I've been for the past 24 years...do my parents know about any of this? If so, why didn't they teach me? Based on everything I know up to this point, I'm very pissed off at Israel right now.

That's all for now.

Kindred Spirit

I don't browse blogs. Not because I don't care, or because I think I already have enough friends, but mostly because I don't have time. All of my new friends, up until now, have been found through existing friends. But a few nights ago, whilst browsing for the first time, I came across the most astounding thing...

This girl reminds me so much of myself it's scary. I've read everything, all 3+ years of posts about life, love and finding yourself, and I just can't believe how closely some of her experiences mirror my own. Fletch, you can attest to this, you were there for most of it...

On a related note, another blog of interest was linked from this new one, and I recommend it to everyone reading this. I haven't gotten very far yet, but this woman is (was?) homeless and living in her car, and blogging from the local library. She's well educated and literate, and her story is captivating.

Thank you, Vicky, for sharing yourself with the rest of the world. You may think your story is boring and pointless, or maybe you know better by now, but it's very comforting to know that no matter where you live, who you know, or what your circumstances are, human experience is universal.

Can't sleep

I know the mind uses down time to go over things, but it sucks when you're trying to sleep. Here's what's on my mind.

*I have to clean my whole apartment in the next week. It looked good a month ago, but ever since the horrible sunburn incident (tomorrow will be 4 weeks), it all went to shit. Not much time to clean when you're focusing on trying to walk. I can't seem to motivate myself to get up early enough to get anything constructive done, and when I sleep in I just don't feel like doing anything. We have friends coming to visit next Thursday. Gotts get motivated.

*Bonnaroo is coming up in about 4 weeks. I hope I get the weekend off. I've asked for it in plenty of time, but a few days ago we get this post at work that "too many people are asking for weekends, summer is the busy season, we need you all here, blah, blah, blah." If they don't give me all 5 days, I'm going to quit. I've been looking foward to this for too long, and the tickets were too expensive to give up. I hope it doesn't come down to that, I really like working where I am (in a pet store, for those who don't know), but I don't need the job. It's just extra money and something to do.

*Going back to college has me excited and worried at the same time. I stll have to file my FAFSA, just waiting on a few financial figures, and I still have to call and argue with the Admissions department about my in-state tuition. I was a Virginia resident when I left, I left because my spouse had military orders to leave, I still have a VA driver's license, and I'm registered to vote. My car's not registered in VA because it's still in my stepfather's name first, since he co-signed the loan for me. That's getting taken care of by the end of the week. On the other hand, getting back into academia is something I need to do, and getting back in the mountains again is something I look forward to harder every day. Life is going to change completely in a matter of months.

*I hope we can manage all the recreation and planned purchases and still have enough money left over to move and get started in Blacksburg. That comes first, of course, I just hope we don't have to give up anything else. Depends on how much money I make between now and moving day (and how long I keep my job).

*I miss my friends back home. After we moved down here in February last year, we went back in June, then I went back in late October. 4 months and 4 months. It's now been 7 months since we've been back, with 2.5 left to go. I have a few friends here, but I don't get to see them as often as I'd like, either because schedules don't work out or because they live far enough away that it's difficult to find time. This is not the right environment for either of us.

Well, I've finished my cigarette, and told my story. Maybe now I can get some sleep. Goodnight, and may the Goddess smile upon you all.

Karma

The plan was simple - drive to Mississippi, pick up my Jazz Fest buddy, go to New Orleans, and have a great time. Unfortunately, simple plans are the most easily fucked up.

Let me first say I'm not in any way angry or upset by the way today turned out. The universe has a way of making itself heard, and when it does, you listen.

After arriving in NO and finding a sweet parking spot right by the fairgrounds, we cabbed it down to the French Quarter for some sightseeing and biegnets. We actually made into Cafe du Monde, but then...the phone rang. In hindsight, I should have known what was coming. I am rather blind to the world around me sometimes.

Let me digress. Jazz Fest, and all the accompanied plans, happened to come just after said friend's dad came off chemo. Having checked with dad on whether or not it was okay for him to go, he decided to go, since we would be back that same day.

So, phone call. Dad says he's dying, and is asking for his son. It's time for him to go home. He wants me to come back to the Fest and have a good time, and considering the situation, I know I'll be better off doing just that. On the way back, my concentration wavers long enough for me to almost run someone off the road changing lanes. That's going to come back to haunt me, I know. I manage to find a parking spot not far from the one I had, and in to the Fest I go. It's now 2:30, and I've got plenty of time to catch Bob Dylan! The crowd is ridiculous, but at least I find a spot by the speakers. I called Chris so he could at least hear the show (a good 40 minutes of it at least), and eventually I wander off to find some food. Mmm, gumbo! Wander, wander, wander, look at booths, wander, and finally over to Heritage Square. I got Mom a Mother's Day gift, and myself some long-awaited biegnets. 6:30, and it's time for me to head home.

Karma. I love it. I get back to my car, and what's that on the windshield? Yes, that's right. A parking ticket. Guess I wasn't supposed to park that close to the intersection. But if that's the only bad karma I had to incur for my lapse on the road, I consider it fair trade. I come back to my friend's house to find Dad still alive, although by all reports he doesn't want to be anymore.

I hate the fact that we are not allowed to choose when we want to die. I understand the initial reasoning behind the law, but I also believe that since those reasons are primarily religious in nature, they should not be law over everyone, because not everyone believes. He knows what's coming, and he's ready for it. But hey, who am I to play God?