I just want to let everyone know that we are okay.
I have so many questions, and I don't know where to turn for answers. I see the world through many different dimensions; I'm even tempted, in my youth and possible ignorance, to presume I know things some people will never learn, no matter how long they exist in this time and space. Ideas about life and the nature of existence that only an open mind can contemplate. Fletcher has always said I underestimate myself, and I'm starting to think maybe he's right.
But am I "enlightened"? Absolutely not; I'm constantly frustrated by how much I don't understand. But, as they say, the wise man knows he knows nothing...so am I enlightened? How can you answer a question that answers itself?
Coelho calls it a Personal Legend, King calls it ka, Heinlein calls it grokking...call it destiny, fate, free will, or whatever, each of us will follow a path with a beginning and an end. I believe we each have a path that belongs to us only, and finding it is our life's happy destiny, our Personal Legend, our ka. So.....how do we find it? Does it call us, always beckoning, waiting only for us to hear? Or does it sit silent, calmly contemplating eternity, hardly noticing (if at all) when we stumble across? How do we choose the path we're destined for? How do we know?
I've lost my voice, it seems; my thoughts come out instead as words on a page. Every one that coalesces towards intelligible communication has a million half-formed and fleeting, yet no less important, behind it. Life has taken on a strange surreal quality as a result of what's happened here. The words are full yet slow in coming. I am patient.
I don't grieve for an individual victim; I grieve with the community and I weep at our strength and love and hope and my gratitude to be a part of it. I feel my resolve strengthen and my vision expand. I don't yet know what it is I'm looking for, or where my path will take me, but I believe now more than ever that I will know when I have found it.
I love you all.
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2 comments:
Heather, I'm so relieved that you're okay. When I heard the news on the radio, you're the first person I thought of. I wondered if, by some off chance, that you happened to be on campus that day and was worried that you had been involved. I'm thankful you weren't. I can't imagine the feelings your community must be enduring right now. I'm glad you're safe.
Stay well, my friend. Love you, too.
This was a very profound post. An outward expression of an inward reflection.
For myself, I've been lucky to share a small segment of your glorious path. I've been privileged to see real courage.
But most important of all:
"Fletcher has always said I underestimate myself, and I'm starting to think maybe he's right."
*cabbage patch*
Love ya'
&
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