Alright already, I'm updating!
Everything is fine. (You know what fine stands for, don't you? Fucked Up, Insecure, Neurotic and Emotional...) Seriously though, even though life's not perfect (when is it ever?), things are going well. I'm now six months pregnant and getting big enough to have trouble sitting down and standing up again. My classes are getting a bit more challenging. I'm considering going to the Dean of Students and asking for some leniency on my exam times - I had an exam this morning that was hell to get through, 50 minutes of almost continuous writing with the baby poking me in the ribs every few minutes. Class isn't so bad, I can take a break from notes every so often and stretch out, but it's much harder to do during an exam. 15 minutes extra would give me the chance to get up and stretch for a minute if I need to. Baby found a spot about a week ago just under my left breastbone that it seems to favor, and ever since it's been up in there at least once a day. Depending on what I'm doing, the feeling ranges anywhere from mildly uncomfortable to downright painful, and the only thing that (usually) helps is lying down on my right side and hoping gravity will dislodge the little heathen!
It's turning cold here, and today it rained, the first real rain we've had in months, which is good. We've been going through a pretty heavy drought all summer. I've been feeling a little bit of the cold weather blues, as usual this time of year, but I'm working through it as best I can.
And that's about all I have for you today, friends and neighbors! The day-to-day stuff doesn't seem very interesting to me, I guess...it's just, you know, every day stuff. So...later!! ;)
Wednesday, October 24
Tuesday, September 4
Has it really been six weeks??
Thanks to Kristen's new blog platform, I can say with certainty it's been 6 weeks, 6 days, 4 hours and 42 minutes since I posted last. Thanks, Kristen, for the inadvertent wake up call!
Things are going well. I started classes at VT a few weeks ago. I'm knee deep in agriculture - Ag Crops, Ag Economy, Soils, and a calculus class I'll probably end up not even needing. I've started out as a soils major, but my advisor (who's also my ag crops professor and an all around great guy) advised me that as a biology enthusiast I was better off in agroecology. He's probably right. I went to my first Agronomy Club meeting today - not sure what it's all about, but it seems like fun. I'm also trying to get a part-time paid temp position in the genomics lab here, helping to harvest their soybean crops. That'll look great on a resume!
They say you should always balance school with social activities to get a well-rounded college experience. Luckily for me, my husband must be the luckiest guy on the planet. Wanna know what he won with a $5 raffle ticket? How about season football tickets, 25 rows up on the 40 yard line, and a parking pass for the lot right next to the stadium! Yeah, it's gonna be a good season.
So I'm now 18 weeks pregnant, almost at the halfway point, and guess what? I'm already showing! That's not supposed to happen yet! Check it out:
Please ignore the polka-dot boxers, what can I say, they're comfy. And, even though you can't see it, I've gone from a 34A to a 34C...lord knows where I'll be when this is all said and done...I'm gonna need a serious shopping trip soon, my clothes don't fit anymore!
We're going home this weekend for a family reunion (on my side). Many of these people we haven't seen since the last reunion last summer, and I haven't seen any of them since I found out about the baby, not even my parents. This should be interesting.
Lots of love...free hugs everyone!
Things are going well. I started classes at VT a few weeks ago. I'm knee deep in agriculture - Ag Crops, Ag Economy, Soils, and a calculus class I'll probably end up not even needing. I've started out as a soils major, but my advisor (who's also my ag crops professor and an all around great guy) advised me that as a biology enthusiast I was better off in agroecology. He's probably right. I went to my first Agronomy Club meeting today - not sure what it's all about, but it seems like fun. I'm also trying to get a part-time paid temp position in the genomics lab here, helping to harvest their soybean crops. That'll look great on a resume!
They say you should always balance school with social activities to get a well-rounded college experience. Luckily for me, my husband must be the luckiest guy on the planet. Wanna know what he won with a $5 raffle ticket? How about season football tickets, 25 rows up on the 40 yard line, and a parking pass for the lot right next to the stadium! Yeah, it's gonna be a good season.
So I'm now 18 weeks pregnant, almost at the halfway point, and guess what? I'm already showing! That's not supposed to happen yet! Check it out:
Please ignore the polka-dot boxers, what can I say, they're comfy. And, even though you can't see it, I've gone from a 34A to a 34C...lord knows where I'll be when this is all said and done...I'm gonna need a serious shopping trip soon, my clothes don't fit anymore!
We're going home this weekend for a family reunion (on my side). Many of these people we haven't seen since the last reunion last summer, and I haven't seen any of them since I found out about the baby, not even my parents. This should be interesting.
Lots of love...free hugs everyone!
Wednesday, July 18
The Details
Okay all, I promised to fill in the holes, so here's a not-so-brief synopsis of what I've been up to, and how/when I found out I was gonna have a little one. Probably best if I record it for posterity anyway...
Chris had a nice graduation weekend, all in all. My mom came down for a few days, as did my sister and brother-in-law, and Chris's parents and sister came down for the ceremony on Saturday. He looked great in his cap and gown! He's taking two online classes right now to finish off the degree, and looking to apply for grad school next fall. The day after graduation was Mother's Day, and with my mom and sister both down, it was the best Mother's Day we could have had! The three of us haven't spent a Mother's Day together in a very long time. Of course, we did what we always do when the three of us are together - we went book shopping. We all hate to shop, but we love bookstores! We had our bonfire that night, which went really well; I think I've mentioned that in a previous post. Little did I know, at that point, I had already conceived; from then on, it was only a matter of time...
Some of you may already know I was planning to head home for a few weeks in late May/early June to spend some time with my Dad and housesit for him while he and my stepmom took a vacation of their own. Chris and I drove up on May 25 for the weekend and as it was Memorial Day weekend and T had never been to D.C., she came with us.
We spent Saturday walking around the city, taking in the sights. We saw the Hope Diamond at the Natural History Museum; walked right up to the Washington Monument and leaned against its side; sat with our feet in the pool at the new WWII Memorial and contemplated the price of world peace; climbed the steps of the Lincoln Monument to look the man in the eyes, and read the words he spoke as our country struggled for its identity; passed along the Vietnam Memorial Wall with its bevy of flags, flowers and pictures of remembrance; saw the White House from afar, hurling cheerful epithets at its current tenant; and finally returned, weary and footsore, to the subway and then home. I don't think I've had a better Memorial Day weekend; certainly I've never had the opportunity to spend a day like that in the nation's capital, even though I grew up less than half an hour from it. Amazing, the things you take for granted in life.
They dropped me off Sunday at my Dad's house and headed back home, since Chris had to go back to work that Monday, but I was looking forward to two plus weeks "out in the sticks", right on the Potomac river at the end of a dirt road, far from everything. My dad has lived down there since I was about six, but I'd never spent more than a few days at a time there, visiting every other weekend until I was 13, not at all until I was 16 (long story short, we had a big fight), and sporadically after that. We've been building a relationship for the past three years or so, now that we've both had some time to grow up (and I say that in the nicest possible way, my dad's a great guy, just took him a bit to figure some things out, you know?), and I'm really glad it's worked out that way.
Anyway, I spent a week hanging out around the house, relaxing and taking in the scenery. Early next Saturday morning, they saddled up their Harley Roadster and took off down the road for Tennessee, where they would be spending a week and a half touring the caves of the Blue Ridge. It was their first real vacation in about 18 years, not to mention they've been taking care of both her parents for over a year now, so a well-deserved and much-needed break was just the thing. From all accounts, they really had a blast! I, on the other hand, had the dutiful task of looking after the house and all its inhabitants, which consisted of three dogs, a billy goat, and my stepmom's father, who could pretty much look after himself (her mother was spending the time with my stepbrother). It got a little lonely after that, although somehow the days went by. The following weekend picked up a little; my dad has a couple of weekend neighbors from Arlington who'd had a party the night I got there, really chill people, who invited me on Saturday to an arts & crafts festival near where I grew up, on the other side of the county. I found some great prints from a local nature photographer that I keep forgetting to frame...oh, well, maybe when we move.
My trip home overlapped my dad's by a couple of days, due to the fact that Chris and I had our own Tennessee vacation planned for the weekend of June 15 - Bonnarooooooooooooo! Rather than make Chris drive the 5+ hours one way to come get me right before the 8+ hour trip to Manchester, I arranged ahead of time to travel home in relays. First up, my dear friend Fletcher (I thank you, my pwca!) drove down Monday evening to get me, staying for dinner (I think...Red Lobster? yeah, the snow crabs...weird) then driving back to the suburbs for a restful night in his abode. Next morning, we struck out west to see an old friend who'd moved out near Winchester last year and set up shop (literally...he's a blacksmith). Fletch hadn't seen the place yet (Chris and I had been up several weekends, for the already quasi-legendary bonfires), so we wandered around for a bit, catching up. It's a neat piece of property, formerly a dairy farm, two acres with a 1700's stone cottage (eventually to be made livable again), a barn (now the workshop), a dairy house (combination office/crashpad), chicken coops (being used for free range heirlooms) and an old storage shed (eventually to be a guest house). It really is an amazing place, lots of good vibes. Too soon, however, it was time for all to say good-bye, as Fletcher headed home and I got a ride south a ways, to where Chris had driven up to meet us.
Ah, how good it felt to be behind the wheel of my own car again!
We had a third passenger on the way home, a girl who was hitchhiking down to Bonnaroo for a paid job offer (not bad, since most people work as volunteers). We couldn't take her all the way since we weren't leaving until the next day, but we took her as far as Christiansburg (the town between ours and I-81). We went home, I unpacked, and after dinner we passed out. Some friends of ours drove down in the morning and that afternoon, once I was repacked, we all took off for the festival. We drove straight through, getting to the gate in the wee hours of the morning. We'd expected to wait in line until they actually opened the gates at 7 a.m. Thursday, but apparently so many people had been camping out in the nearby Walmart parking lot that they called the people in charge and insisted they open early. (We learned that afterwards, we were just surprised they were letting us in when they did.) As such, we were "in line" for less than an hour. Our first Bonnaroo, back in 2003, we were in line for 15 hours. Crazy!
See, it works like this - there's a central festival grounds, called Centeroo, which holds three main stages, two main tents, and a score of smaller/specialty stages and tents. There's a vendor's village for wares, lots of food vendors scattered around the edges, crazy art here and there, even a Ferris Wheel. Surrounding this mecca of art, culture and music are almost 200 acres of parking and campgrounds. They park the cars in rows with about 25 or 30 feet of space between them, in which everyone pitches their tent and sets up camp. Some people, the unfortunate ones, end up in the far-flung pods and have quite a long walk to get to Centeroo; we were fortunate enough to be fairly close, although not as close as last year, when we could hear Tom Petty, Cypress Hill and Buddy Guy, among others, from the stage closest to our campsite. The lineup this year was killer - Tool headlined Friday night, The Police on Saturday, and Widespread Panic closing things out on Sunday - the kind of eclectic mix Bonnaroo is known for, and that's only three shows out of over a hundred. We saw The Roots cover "Roxanne" the day before we saw The Police do it live; the Flaming Lips put on a fantastic late-night show Friday; we even managed to get almost front row for Bob Weir & Ratdog and Ziggy Marley on their respective days. Yes sir, something for everyone...never a dull moment!
Side note - I just went on the Bonnaroo site to see if I'd forgotten anything, and ended up in the photo gallery...anyone interested in seeing what it's like is strongly urged to check out www.bonnaroofest.com/gallery, there are pictures of the "festival atmosphere" from each day along with pictures of most of the acts!
It wasn't all fun and games, though. Starting Friday, and continuing throughout the weekend, I became horribly nauseous. It was unrelentingly hot, with no shade in camp but what we could devise ourselves, and since there hadn't been any rain in weeks, it was also terribly dusty. I couldn't eat, or barely drink; I found myself suffering through the worst of the days just to go and see the shows at night. I wanted to blame my sickness on the heat and the dust, maybe dehydration, and did just that for everyone else, but in the back of my mind something else was bothering me...I'd been expecting my period to start that weekend, and every day it didn't made me worry a little bit more. I didn't mention my concerns to anyone at the time, especially Chris, although halfway through the weekend, when after an hour of me sipping Gatorade and practically melting in the shade of a blue tarp he jokingly asked if I was pregnant, I came pretty close to answering maybe.
We finally started packing up Monday morning, and within a few hours we were back on the road. By Tuesday morning, when the nausea hadn't subsided with the heat and I still hadn't started, I decided knowing was better than not knowing. I already had a home pregnancy test, all I had to do was use it, and after several minutes of trying so hard not to think about it that it became all I could think about, I went back to check the results, and there it was - a second line, faint, but there nonetheless. Such a tiny precursor to the monumental task of parenthood! I took some false hope in the faintness of the positive line - suppose it was a false positive? I didn't really believe it, though, not after everything else, and it didn't take long for reaction to set in. Shock hit me first, swift and hard - I felt a half step removed from myself, staring in the mirror at someone else's face, wandering around the house in a daze, not sure what was going on. This dissolved rather quickly into fear - a terrible, paralyzing fear that left me shaking and crying on the couch, thinking to myself, what am I going to do? This can't be happening, it's not the right time, please let this not be happening, not with school about to start, my dream of finishing college finally within my reach, and we're broke, my god, we have no money, no health insurance, nothing, we can't do this, please, it's just a dream, I'll wake up and it'll all be a dream, please....
But it wasn't a dream. And with that realization, I took the first step towards acceptance.
I wasn't going to tell anyone, not even my husband, until I knew for sure. I had planned on getting another home test and checking again in a few days, dropping Chris off at work the next day and going to the store by myself, leaving him none the wiser. I told him this when he came home from work, trying to pretend nothing was out of the ordinary, until later in the evening when he suddenly said, "Why don't we go to the store now?" Well, that stumped me for a minute - how to get out of this one? "I don't think that's going to work," I said. "Why not?" he asked me, and I decided to tell him.
"Well," I said - and couldn't help cracking a smile, somewhat bitter but still sincere - "I think I'm pregnant."
He didn't say anything, just looked at me for a second, then he smiled a rather disbeliving smile and gave me a big hug. There wasn't much to say, really; he knew as well as I did how dismal the timing was, but at the same time, he knew how long I've been waiting for this, I'm sure - the nights when I would cry myself to sleep because with so much school still to come I doubted I'd ever be a mother, as few as they were, had always been met with understanding and a modicum of sympathy. Yeah, I think he knew how I felt. I wasn't sure how he felt about it, but the smile was definitely encouraging. In fact, it was his suggestion that I go down to the Planned Parenthood clinic to find out for sure, which turned out to be what needed to happen. When I called to see if I needed an appointment, I spoke to a really nice and helpful woman who gave me several important pieces of information, including the fact that Medicaid is guaranteed for pregnant women and I would need a confirmation letter from the clinic to apply. So that's what I did - they confirmed the pregnancy, figured my approximate due date, and told me to start taking my prenatal vitamins. Then I took that letter to the Social Services office to apply for Medicaid, the WIC program and food stamps, whatever help I thought I might be eligible for, because every little bit helps! Turns out I wasn't eligible for food stamps, but Medicaid and WIC were approved (which is good, because now that the nausea is subsiding somewhat, I'm eating like a horse!).
For the most part, everyone was excited at the news. We were going to keep it secret for a while, until we got everything in order, but soon realized that was next to impossible. My parents were both cautiously happy, knowing full well what our circumstances are (Mom reminded me of Mother's Day, in the bookstore, when she made a comment about, 'see, you need to hurry up and have a daughter! ...Wait, never mind, you don't have to do any such thing...'; the first question my dad asked me: "Is that good news?"), but they also had their first child (me) earlier than expected, so they know what it's like. Chris was funny when he told his mom - he was like, "we're having a baby, I know we can't afford it right now and it's not the best time, so let's just not talk about that part, okay?"
I had my first ultrasound on Tuesday. The clinic had given me a due date of February 20, based on the approximate date of my last period, but the ultrasound showed otherwise. Turns out I'm now 11 weeks pregnant, two more than I had originally thought. They upped my due date from Feb. 20 to Feb. 5, so unless I go into labor early (which I hear is very rare for first timers), we'll definitely have another February birthday to add to the dozen-odd already in my family. A week early would be nice, though, since our wedding anniversary falls on the 28th of January... wouldn't that be cool, to have your first child on your anniversary?
Chris and I had an interesting discussion yesterday about responsibility. See, as an individual human being, you are ultimately responsible for yourself. In a relationship, however, particularly a long-term one such as a marriage, you are also responsible for your partner, although the degree of responsibility can vary. Taking care of each other's basic needs - food, clothing, shelter - is not enough to sustain a lasting bond between two people. There are emotional, psychological and physical needs as well. Communication of those needs specific to each person, therefore, is crucial, as they cannot be met by another until they are known. Therein lies the difficulty that ends most marriages. I would venture to say that many people don't know themselves well enough to know what they need from another person, or if they do, they don't know how to express it, expecting instead for the other person to somehow be able to assume or deduce the answers on their own (this is my problem). This idea of taking responsibility for another becomes even more relevant when you consider that it can also be applied to parenting, and the bond formed between parent and child, although this is more one-way at first as a newborn cannot conciously fulfill the needs of its parent. Nevertheless, it's become a goal for the two of us to work towards, figuring out our responsibilities for each other in order to prepare for the responsibilities we will have for our child.
And so life goes on. It still hasn't really sunk in yet, this idea that I'm going to be a mother in six months; seeing the heartbeat of that tiny two-inch fetus on the ultrasound has been the most compelling thing, the only time it seemed completely real, but only while it was happening. Otherwise, day to day routine is mostly the same. I'm preparing for classes, getting all my transcripts in order and my schedule worked out, trying to decide if it's worth auditioning for the choir when I'll only be there for half the year. Chris is working full 40 hour weeks building dorm furniture in addition to the online classes to try and put some money away. With freshman move-in coming up, he'll be working even harder. We're both looking forward to autumn - the crispness of the air, the radiant colors of the foliage, the frenzy of football season, the relative ease of my second trimester - it's never been my favorite season, but this year it just might be.
And so life goes on.
Chris had a nice graduation weekend, all in all. My mom came down for a few days, as did my sister and brother-in-law, and Chris's parents and sister came down for the ceremony on Saturday. He looked great in his cap and gown! He's taking two online classes right now to finish off the degree, and looking to apply for grad school next fall. The day after graduation was Mother's Day, and with my mom and sister both down, it was the best Mother's Day we could have had! The three of us haven't spent a Mother's Day together in a very long time. Of course, we did what we always do when the three of us are together - we went book shopping. We all hate to shop, but we love bookstores! We had our bonfire that night, which went really well; I think I've mentioned that in a previous post. Little did I know, at that point, I had already conceived; from then on, it was only a matter of time...
Some of you may already know I was planning to head home for a few weeks in late May/early June to spend some time with my Dad and housesit for him while he and my stepmom took a vacation of their own. Chris and I drove up on May 25 for the weekend and as it was Memorial Day weekend and T had never been to D.C., she came with us.
We spent Saturday walking around the city, taking in the sights. We saw the Hope Diamond at the Natural History Museum; walked right up to the Washington Monument and leaned against its side; sat with our feet in the pool at the new WWII Memorial and contemplated the price of world peace; climbed the steps of the Lincoln Monument to look the man in the eyes, and read the words he spoke as our country struggled for its identity; passed along the Vietnam Memorial Wall with its bevy of flags, flowers and pictures of remembrance; saw the White House from afar, hurling cheerful epithets at its current tenant; and finally returned, weary and footsore, to the subway and then home. I don't think I've had a better Memorial Day weekend; certainly I've never had the opportunity to spend a day like that in the nation's capital, even though I grew up less than half an hour from it. Amazing, the things you take for granted in life.
They dropped me off Sunday at my Dad's house and headed back home, since Chris had to go back to work that Monday, but I was looking forward to two plus weeks "out in the sticks", right on the Potomac river at the end of a dirt road, far from everything. My dad has lived down there since I was about six, but I'd never spent more than a few days at a time there, visiting every other weekend until I was 13, not at all until I was 16 (long story short, we had a big fight), and sporadically after that. We've been building a relationship for the past three years or so, now that we've both had some time to grow up (and I say that in the nicest possible way, my dad's a great guy, just took him a bit to figure some things out, you know?), and I'm really glad it's worked out that way.
Anyway, I spent a week hanging out around the house, relaxing and taking in the scenery. Early next Saturday morning, they saddled up their Harley Roadster and took off down the road for Tennessee, where they would be spending a week and a half touring the caves of the Blue Ridge. It was their first real vacation in about 18 years, not to mention they've been taking care of both her parents for over a year now, so a well-deserved and much-needed break was just the thing. From all accounts, they really had a blast! I, on the other hand, had the dutiful task of looking after the house and all its inhabitants, which consisted of three dogs, a billy goat, and my stepmom's father, who could pretty much look after himself (her mother was spending the time with my stepbrother). It got a little lonely after that, although somehow the days went by. The following weekend picked up a little; my dad has a couple of weekend neighbors from Arlington who'd had a party the night I got there, really chill people, who invited me on Saturday to an arts & crafts festival near where I grew up, on the other side of the county. I found some great prints from a local nature photographer that I keep forgetting to frame...oh, well, maybe when we move.
My trip home overlapped my dad's by a couple of days, due to the fact that Chris and I had our own Tennessee vacation planned for the weekend of June 15 - Bonnarooooooooooooo! Rather than make Chris drive the 5+ hours one way to come get me right before the 8+ hour trip to Manchester, I arranged ahead of time to travel home in relays. First up, my dear friend Fletcher (I thank you, my pwca!) drove down Monday evening to get me, staying for dinner (I think...Red Lobster? yeah, the snow crabs...weird) then driving back to the suburbs for a restful night in his abode. Next morning, we struck out west to see an old friend who'd moved out near Winchester last year and set up shop (literally...he's a blacksmith). Fletch hadn't seen the place yet (Chris and I had been up several weekends, for the already quasi-legendary bonfires), so we wandered around for a bit, catching up. It's a neat piece of property, formerly a dairy farm, two acres with a 1700's stone cottage (eventually to be made livable again), a barn (now the workshop), a dairy house (combination office/crashpad), chicken coops (being used for free range heirlooms) and an old storage shed (eventually to be a guest house). It really is an amazing place, lots of good vibes. Too soon, however, it was time for all to say good-bye, as Fletcher headed home and I got a ride south a ways, to where Chris had driven up to meet us.
Ah, how good it felt to be behind the wheel of my own car again!
We had a third passenger on the way home, a girl who was hitchhiking down to Bonnaroo for a paid job offer (not bad, since most people work as volunteers). We couldn't take her all the way since we weren't leaving until the next day, but we took her as far as Christiansburg (the town between ours and I-81). We went home, I unpacked, and after dinner we passed out. Some friends of ours drove down in the morning and that afternoon, once I was repacked, we all took off for the festival. We drove straight through, getting to the gate in the wee hours of the morning. We'd expected to wait in line until they actually opened the gates at 7 a.m. Thursday, but apparently so many people had been camping out in the nearby Walmart parking lot that they called the people in charge and insisted they open early. (We learned that afterwards, we were just surprised they were letting us in when they did.) As such, we were "in line" for less than an hour. Our first Bonnaroo, back in 2003, we were in line for 15 hours. Crazy!
See, it works like this - there's a central festival grounds, called Centeroo, which holds three main stages, two main tents, and a score of smaller/specialty stages and tents. There's a vendor's village for wares, lots of food vendors scattered around the edges, crazy art here and there, even a Ferris Wheel. Surrounding this mecca of art, culture and music are almost 200 acres of parking and campgrounds. They park the cars in rows with about 25 or 30 feet of space between them, in which everyone pitches their tent and sets up camp. Some people, the unfortunate ones, end up in the far-flung pods and have quite a long walk to get to Centeroo; we were fortunate enough to be fairly close, although not as close as last year, when we could hear Tom Petty, Cypress Hill and Buddy Guy, among others, from the stage closest to our campsite. The lineup this year was killer - Tool headlined Friday night, The Police on Saturday, and Widespread Panic closing things out on Sunday - the kind of eclectic mix Bonnaroo is known for, and that's only three shows out of over a hundred. We saw The Roots cover "Roxanne" the day before we saw The Police do it live; the Flaming Lips put on a fantastic late-night show Friday; we even managed to get almost front row for Bob Weir & Ratdog and Ziggy Marley on their respective days. Yes sir, something for everyone...never a dull moment!
Side note - I just went on the Bonnaroo site to see if I'd forgotten anything, and ended up in the photo gallery...anyone interested in seeing what it's like is strongly urged to check out www.bonnaroofest.com/gallery, there are pictures of the "festival atmosphere" from each day along with pictures of most of the acts!
It wasn't all fun and games, though. Starting Friday, and continuing throughout the weekend, I became horribly nauseous. It was unrelentingly hot, with no shade in camp but what we could devise ourselves, and since there hadn't been any rain in weeks, it was also terribly dusty. I couldn't eat, or barely drink; I found myself suffering through the worst of the days just to go and see the shows at night. I wanted to blame my sickness on the heat and the dust, maybe dehydration, and did just that for everyone else, but in the back of my mind something else was bothering me...I'd been expecting my period to start that weekend, and every day it didn't made me worry a little bit more. I didn't mention my concerns to anyone at the time, especially Chris, although halfway through the weekend, when after an hour of me sipping Gatorade and practically melting in the shade of a blue tarp he jokingly asked if I was pregnant, I came pretty close to answering maybe.
We finally started packing up Monday morning, and within a few hours we were back on the road. By Tuesday morning, when the nausea hadn't subsided with the heat and I still hadn't started, I decided knowing was better than not knowing. I already had a home pregnancy test, all I had to do was use it, and after several minutes of trying so hard not to think about it that it became all I could think about, I went back to check the results, and there it was - a second line, faint, but there nonetheless. Such a tiny precursor to the monumental task of parenthood! I took some false hope in the faintness of the positive line - suppose it was a false positive? I didn't really believe it, though, not after everything else, and it didn't take long for reaction to set in. Shock hit me first, swift and hard - I felt a half step removed from myself, staring in the mirror at someone else's face, wandering around the house in a daze, not sure what was going on. This dissolved rather quickly into fear - a terrible, paralyzing fear that left me shaking and crying on the couch, thinking to myself, what am I going to do? This can't be happening, it's not the right time, please let this not be happening, not with school about to start, my dream of finishing college finally within my reach, and we're broke, my god, we have no money, no health insurance, nothing, we can't do this, please, it's just a dream, I'll wake up and it'll all be a dream, please....
But it wasn't a dream. And with that realization, I took the first step towards acceptance.
I wasn't going to tell anyone, not even my husband, until I knew for sure. I had planned on getting another home test and checking again in a few days, dropping Chris off at work the next day and going to the store by myself, leaving him none the wiser. I told him this when he came home from work, trying to pretend nothing was out of the ordinary, until later in the evening when he suddenly said, "Why don't we go to the store now?" Well, that stumped me for a minute - how to get out of this one? "I don't think that's going to work," I said. "Why not?" he asked me, and I decided to tell him.
"Well," I said - and couldn't help cracking a smile, somewhat bitter but still sincere - "I think I'm pregnant."
He didn't say anything, just looked at me for a second, then he smiled a rather disbeliving smile and gave me a big hug. There wasn't much to say, really; he knew as well as I did how dismal the timing was, but at the same time, he knew how long I've been waiting for this, I'm sure - the nights when I would cry myself to sleep because with so much school still to come I doubted I'd ever be a mother, as few as they were, had always been met with understanding and a modicum of sympathy. Yeah, I think he knew how I felt. I wasn't sure how he felt about it, but the smile was definitely encouraging. In fact, it was his suggestion that I go down to the Planned Parenthood clinic to find out for sure, which turned out to be what needed to happen. When I called to see if I needed an appointment, I spoke to a really nice and helpful woman who gave me several important pieces of information, including the fact that Medicaid is guaranteed for pregnant women and I would need a confirmation letter from the clinic to apply. So that's what I did - they confirmed the pregnancy, figured my approximate due date, and told me to start taking my prenatal vitamins. Then I took that letter to the Social Services office to apply for Medicaid, the WIC program and food stamps, whatever help I thought I might be eligible for, because every little bit helps! Turns out I wasn't eligible for food stamps, but Medicaid and WIC were approved (which is good, because now that the nausea is subsiding somewhat, I'm eating like a horse!).
For the most part, everyone was excited at the news. We were going to keep it secret for a while, until we got everything in order, but soon realized that was next to impossible. My parents were both cautiously happy, knowing full well what our circumstances are (Mom reminded me of Mother's Day, in the bookstore, when she made a comment about, 'see, you need to hurry up and have a daughter! ...Wait, never mind, you don't have to do any such thing...'; the first question my dad asked me: "Is that good news?"), but they also had their first child (me) earlier than expected, so they know what it's like. Chris was funny when he told his mom - he was like, "we're having a baby, I know we can't afford it right now and it's not the best time, so let's just not talk about that part, okay?"
I had my first ultrasound on Tuesday. The clinic had given me a due date of February 20, based on the approximate date of my last period, but the ultrasound showed otherwise. Turns out I'm now 11 weeks pregnant, two more than I had originally thought. They upped my due date from Feb. 20 to Feb. 5, so unless I go into labor early (which I hear is very rare for first timers), we'll definitely have another February birthday to add to the dozen-odd already in my family. A week early would be nice, though, since our wedding anniversary falls on the 28th of January... wouldn't that be cool, to have your first child on your anniversary?
Chris and I had an interesting discussion yesterday about responsibility. See, as an individual human being, you are ultimately responsible for yourself. In a relationship, however, particularly a long-term one such as a marriage, you are also responsible for your partner, although the degree of responsibility can vary. Taking care of each other's basic needs - food, clothing, shelter - is not enough to sustain a lasting bond between two people. There are emotional, psychological and physical needs as well. Communication of those needs specific to each person, therefore, is crucial, as they cannot be met by another until they are known. Therein lies the difficulty that ends most marriages. I would venture to say that many people don't know themselves well enough to know what they need from another person, or if they do, they don't know how to express it, expecting instead for the other person to somehow be able to assume or deduce the answers on their own (this is my problem). This idea of taking responsibility for another becomes even more relevant when you consider that it can also be applied to parenting, and the bond formed between parent and child, although this is more one-way at first as a newborn cannot conciously fulfill the needs of its parent. Nevertheless, it's become a goal for the two of us to work towards, figuring out our responsibilities for each other in order to prepare for the responsibilities we will have for our child.
And so life goes on. It still hasn't really sunk in yet, this idea that I'm going to be a mother in six months; seeing the heartbeat of that tiny two-inch fetus on the ultrasound has been the most compelling thing, the only time it seemed completely real, but only while it was happening. Otherwise, day to day routine is mostly the same. I'm preparing for classes, getting all my transcripts in order and my schedule worked out, trying to decide if it's worth auditioning for the choir when I'll only be there for half the year. Chris is working full 40 hour weeks building dorm furniture in addition to the online classes to try and put some money away. With freshman move-in coming up, he'll be working even harder. We're both looking forward to autumn - the crispness of the air, the radiant colors of the foliage, the frenzy of football season, the relative ease of my second trimester - it's never been my favorite season, but this year it just might be.
And so life goes on.
Saturday, July 14
work in progress
I'm working on a draft of all the events of the past two months, as promised...but it's going to be long. It's already long, and I'm only about 2/3 done. I should have it up in a few days, so check back, you won't wanna miss it!
:)
:)
Friday, June 29
Help!
Hey guys...I've just been reading through some older posts and the subsequent comments, and realizing just how much I've retreated into my own head in the last six months or so...should I be as worried about this as I am currently? Because at this rate, I think therapy is the only thing that's going to help me...
Wow, I can't believe I just wrote that. Then again, there's so much shit going on right now, I don't even know where to begin. And so it stays in my head. Which makes me feel completely isolated. And I know that's not a good thing. I guess we'll see if being in "real" college again changes that. Hell, maybe I'm just more scared of that than I realize. Or maybe I'm not a psychologist and have no idea what I'm talking about. Who knows?
Wow, I can't believe I just wrote that. Then again, there's so much shit going on right now, I don't even know where to begin. And so it stays in my head. Which makes me feel completely isolated. And I know that's not a good thing. I guess we'll see if being in "real" college again changes that. Hell, maybe I'm just more scared of that than I realize. Or maybe I'm not a psychologist and have no idea what I'm talking about. Who knows?
Thursday, June 28
NEWS
I'm pregnant!
That's all I'm going to say at the moment. Hell, it's about all I can say, since I still don't really believe it myself...although the nausea is a pretty constant reminder.
Sorry I've been away for so long. I didn't have Internet access until about two weeks ago, which is about how long I've known. I'll try to fill in the blanks later.
That's all I'm going to say at the moment. Hell, it's about all I can say, since I still don't really believe it myself...although the nausea is a pretty constant reminder.
Sorry I've been away for so long. I didn't have Internet access until about two weeks ago, which is about how long I've known. I'll try to fill in the blanks later.
Saturday, May 19
Stranger than Fiction
I wanted to give you an update on what's been happening here. It's a strange story, but like they say, truth can be stranger than fiction! It goes something like this:
Two weeks ago, I was working the night shift here at the hotel when I got a phone call from Chris at about 4 am. Someone had flipped their truck right in front of our house. The guy and girl in the truck weren't seriously hurt, so Chris called the police and took care of them, took them to breakfast, and helped get everything settled. When they came to pick me up the next morning, I had just finished the flyers for our graduation bonfire (Chris graduated!) happening the next weekend, so we invited them to come by.
Well, the girl showed up, and had a great time, along with everyone else. (The bonfire went exceptionally well!) I had to work the next evening, but when I got home, she was at the house again, in bad shape. There had been a guy who showed up uninvited to our party looking for her; she asked us not to let him back, and we didn't think much of it at the time, but we found out when she came back that not only was she living with him, but he was beating up on her pretty regularly. We didn't even have to think about it; we needed a roommate, she needed a safe place to get out of a bad situation. We moved her in on an air mattress that night and went to the house to get the rest of her things the next day. We were expecting possible complications with facing a drunk abusive now ex-boyfriend, but thankfully nothing went awry.
It's been a few days now, and so far it's pretty smooth sailing. It just felt like the right thing to do. It still does. T (since that's what I'm gonna call her, for privacy's sake) is relatively young, still six months away from being a legal adult, but she's been through so much already that it's difficult to tell. She's one of the happiest people I've ever met, though, and she's beautiful, both inside and out. There's so much potential in this girl! She's quick, smart, and so good-hearted. She's been volunteering to do housework since she moved in, even though we told her she didn't have to, because she wants to give back and contribute in some way. And the most incredible thing is I see so much of what I've been though when we talk about her life, and I consider myself incredibly lucky to be able to pass some of the wisdom I've gained through my own experiences to someone who will appreciate where it's coming from. The only word to describe it is serendipitous. This can only turn out good. We're helping her find a better job right now, something close to home since there's still only one car for the household, but eventually she wants to get her license. She also wants her GED so she can go to college for physical therapy, and since I want to home school my children someday and could use the practice, I'm more than willing to help her study. I want to teach her everything I know, anything she wants to learn. I want to see her succeed.
God, I love finding good people in the world!
Two weeks ago, I was working the night shift here at the hotel when I got a phone call from Chris at about 4 am. Someone had flipped their truck right in front of our house. The guy and girl in the truck weren't seriously hurt, so Chris called the police and took care of them, took them to breakfast, and helped get everything settled. When they came to pick me up the next morning, I had just finished the flyers for our graduation bonfire (Chris graduated!) happening the next weekend, so we invited them to come by.
Well, the girl showed up, and had a great time, along with everyone else. (The bonfire went exceptionally well!) I had to work the next evening, but when I got home, she was at the house again, in bad shape. There had been a guy who showed up uninvited to our party looking for her; she asked us not to let him back, and we didn't think much of it at the time, but we found out when she came back that not only was she living with him, but he was beating up on her pretty regularly. We didn't even have to think about it; we needed a roommate, she needed a safe place to get out of a bad situation. We moved her in on an air mattress that night and went to the house to get the rest of her things the next day. We were expecting possible complications with facing a drunk abusive now ex-boyfriend, but thankfully nothing went awry.
It's been a few days now, and so far it's pretty smooth sailing. It just felt like the right thing to do. It still does. T (since that's what I'm gonna call her, for privacy's sake) is relatively young, still six months away from being a legal adult, but she's been through so much already that it's difficult to tell. She's one of the happiest people I've ever met, though, and she's beautiful, both inside and out. There's so much potential in this girl! She's quick, smart, and so good-hearted. She's been volunteering to do housework since she moved in, even though we told her she didn't have to, because she wants to give back and contribute in some way. And the most incredible thing is I see so much of what I've been though when we talk about her life, and I consider myself incredibly lucky to be able to pass some of the wisdom I've gained through my own experiences to someone who will appreciate where it's coming from. The only word to describe it is serendipitous. This can only turn out good. We're helping her find a better job right now, something close to home since there's still only one car for the household, but eventually she wants to get her license. She also wants her GED so she can go to college for physical therapy, and since I want to home school my children someday and could use the practice, I'm more than willing to help her study. I want to teach her everything I know, anything she wants to learn. I want to see her succeed.
God, I love finding good people in the world!
Sunday, May 6
A fond memory
I was sitting on the front porch this afternoon, leaning over the rail, indulging in the warm brightness of the spring sun's rays. I closed my eyes for a moment and suddenly, vividly recalled lying on my beach towel in the sand at Cocoa Beach, hearing the waves break, feeling the sun warm on my face and the breeze blowing across my brow, smelling and tasting the salt in the air. It was one of the only times in my life so far I was totally and completely at peace, if only for a moment. That was on my Senior Class trip, seven years ago now, and I still remember it like it was yesterday.
I love springtime!
I love springtime!
boys! raise giant corn plants in your sink drain!
Yesterday morning, my hubby went into the bathroom and saw something green poking out of the sink drain. Apparently, a corn kernel (probably from the mouse feed I use - I wash their food bowls in that sink - but I swear I don't ever remember any leftover corn going down!) had lodged in the drain, germinated hydroponically, and actually started growing:
What's interesting, at least for me, is having done a lecture section and a lab on plant reproduction and growth in Biology this semester and then finding something like this, out of nowhere. An amazing testament to the tenacity and adaptive ability of life in general, don't you think?
What's interesting, at least for me, is having done a lecture section and a lab on plant reproduction and growth in Biology this semester and then finding something like this, out of nowhere. An amazing testament to the tenacity and adaptive ability of life in general, don't you think?
Thursday, May 3
Cry Freedom
How can I turn away?
Brother, sister go dancing through my head
Human as to human
The future is no place to place your better days
Cry freedom, cry
From a crowd 10,000 wide
Hope laid upon hope
That this crowd will not subside
Let this flag burn to dust
And a new, a fair design be raised
While we wait head in hands, hands in prayer
And fall into a dreamless sleep again
And we wave our hands
Hands and feet are all alike
But gold between Divide us
Hands and feet are all alike
But fear between Divide us
All slip away
There was a window and by it stood
A mirror in which he could see himself
He thought of something
Something he had never had but hoped would come along
Cry freedom, cry
From deep inside, where we are all confined
While we wave hands in fire
Wave our hands
Hands and feet are all alike
But gold between Divide us
Hands and feet are all alike
But fear between Divide us
All slip away
In this room stood a little child
And in this room this little child she would remain
Until someone might decide
To dance this little child across this hall
Into a cold, dark space
Where she might never trace her way across
This crooked mile, across this crooked page
Cry freedom, cry
From deep inside, where we are all confined
Till we wave our hands
How can I turn away?
Brother, sister go dancing through my head
Human as to human
The future is no place to place your better days
~Dave Matthews
P.S. ~ Fletcher, thanks for letting me borrow this album...and I'll bring it back soon, I promise!
Brother, sister go dancing through my head
Human as to human
The future is no place to place your better days
Cry freedom, cry
From a crowd 10,000 wide
Hope laid upon hope
That this crowd will not subside
Let this flag burn to dust
And a new, a fair design be raised
While we wait head in hands, hands in prayer
And fall into a dreamless sleep again
And we wave our hands
Hands and feet are all alike
But gold between Divide us
Hands and feet are all alike
But fear between Divide us
All slip away
There was a window and by it stood
A mirror in which he could see himself
He thought of something
Something he had never had but hoped would come along
Cry freedom, cry
From deep inside, where we are all confined
While we wave hands in fire
Wave our hands
Hands and feet are all alike
But gold between Divide us
Hands and feet are all alike
But fear between Divide us
All slip away
In this room stood a little child
And in this room this little child she would remain
Until someone might decide
To dance this little child across this hall
Into a cold, dark space
Where she might never trace her way across
This crooked mile, across this crooked page
Cry freedom, cry
From deep inside, where we are all confined
Till we wave our hands
How can I turn away?
Brother, sister go dancing through my head
Human as to human
The future is no place to place your better days
~Dave Matthews
P.S. ~ Fletcher, thanks for letting me borrow this album...and I'll bring it back soon, I promise!
Sunday, April 22
More Tragedy
Cayla, my beautiful sweet black rat, passed away sometime last night. I went in to feed her and Briea before work today and found her still and cold by the cage door. I don't know what happened; she was fine when I saw her last, eating well, active, not putting out any warning signs that something like this was about to happen. I didn't want to take care of her alone, but Chris was already at work, so I had to. I put her in a cardboard box and buried her in the backyard with tears and a silent farewell. I will miss her terribly. She was the most adventurous little thing I'd ever seen. She figured out early on, and quite accidentally, that a 3-foot fall from the kitchen table to the floor wouldn't hurt her; from then on, she never wanted to stay put. She was smart, affectionate, playful and fearless...the dog was more scared of her than she was of him! I know Briea will miss her sister as well. I hope she can make it through this. I don't know if I can handle losing both of them at once. I will post a picture as soon as I get home to my own computer.
Saturday, April 21
Favorite Quote #4
Perhaps to help frame my preceding thoughts, I give you a very few of the words which helped to define them:
Mike looked unhappy. "It was what I started out to do. I is not what I am trying to do now. Father, I know that you were disappointed in me when I started this."
"Your business, son."
"Yes. Self. I must grok each cusp myself alone. And so must you . . . and so must each self. Thou art God.'"
"I don't accept the nomination."
"You can't refuse it. Thou art God and I am God and all that groks is God, and I am all that I have ever been or seen or felt or experienced. I am all that I grok."
~Robert A. Heinlein, Stranger In A Strange Land
Mike looked unhappy. "It was what I started out to do. I is not what I am trying to do now. Father, I know that you were disappointed in me when I started this."
"Your business, son."
"Yes. Self. I must grok each cusp myself alone. And so must you . . . and so must each self. Thou art God.'"
"I don't accept the nomination."
"You can't refuse it. Thou art God and I am God and all that groks is God, and I am all that I have ever been or seen or felt or experienced. I am all that I grok."
~Robert A. Heinlein, Stranger In A Strange Land
Personal Thoughts in the Aftermath
I just want to let everyone know that we are okay.
I have so many questions, and I don't know where to turn for answers. I see the world through many different dimensions; I'm even tempted, in my youth and possible ignorance, to presume I know things some people will never learn, no matter how long they exist in this time and space. Ideas about life and the nature of existence that only an open mind can contemplate. Fletcher has always said I underestimate myself, and I'm starting to think maybe he's right.
But am I "enlightened"? Absolutely not; I'm constantly frustrated by how much I don't understand. But, as they say, the wise man knows he knows nothing...so am I enlightened? How can you answer a question that answers itself?
Coelho calls it a Personal Legend, King calls it ka, Heinlein calls it grokking...call it destiny, fate, free will, or whatever, each of us will follow a path with a beginning and an end. I believe we each have a path that belongs to us only, and finding it is our life's happy destiny, our Personal Legend, our ka. So.....how do we find it? Does it call us, always beckoning, waiting only for us to hear? Or does it sit silent, calmly contemplating eternity, hardly noticing (if at all) when we stumble across? How do we choose the path we're destined for? How do we know?
I've lost my voice, it seems; my thoughts come out instead as words on a page. Every one that coalesces towards intelligible communication has a million half-formed and fleeting, yet no less important, behind it. Life has taken on a strange surreal quality as a result of what's happened here. The words are full yet slow in coming. I am patient.
I don't grieve for an individual victim; I grieve with the community and I weep at our strength and love and hope and my gratitude to be a part of it. I feel my resolve strengthen and my vision expand. I don't yet know what it is I'm looking for, or where my path will take me, but I believe now more than ever that I will know when I have found it.
I love you all.
I have so many questions, and I don't know where to turn for answers. I see the world through many different dimensions; I'm even tempted, in my youth and possible ignorance, to presume I know things some people will never learn, no matter how long they exist in this time and space. Ideas about life and the nature of existence that only an open mind can contemplate. Fletcher has always said I underestimate myself, and I'm starting to think maybe he's right.
But am I "enlightened"? Absolutely not; I'm constantly frustrated by how much I don't understand. But, as they say, the wise man knows he knows nothing...so am I enlightened? How can you answer a question that answers itself?
Coelho calls it a Personal Legend, King calls it ka, Heinlein calls it grokking...call it destiny, fate, free will, or whatever, each of us will follow a path with a beginning and an end. I believe we each have a path that belongs to us only, and finding it is our life's happy destiny, our Personal Legend, our ka. So.....how do we find it? Does it call us, always beckoning, waiting only for us to hear? Or does it sit silent, calmly contemplating eternity, hardly noticing (if at all) when we stumble across? How do we choose the path we're destined for? How do we know?
I've lost my voice, it seems; my thoughts come out instead as words on a page. Every one that coalesces towards intelligible communication has a million half-formed and fleeting, yet no less important, behind it. Life has taken on a strange surreal quality as a result of what's happened here. The words are full yet slow in coming. I am patient.
I don't grieve for an individual victim; I grieve with the community and I weep at our strength and love and hope and my gratitude to be a part of it. I feel my resolve strengthen and my vision expand. I don't yet know what it is I'm looking for, or where my path will take me, but I believe now more than ever that I will know when I have found it.
I love you all.
Sunday, April 15
I don't know where I'm going, but I sure know where I've been
It's raining outside. It's been raining steadily most of the day. Now it's interspersed with snow - big, fat white blobs that pelt out of the sky like wads of cotton candy. Now they fall faster, thirty seconds of blizzard; now they drop back. The temperature is dropping steadily. I stare out the window in a trance. Have I ever seen snow this strange, this lovely? I don't believe I have.
I've been accepted into Virginia Tech's College of Agriculture and Life Sciences, official as of a few days ago. My sense of achievement is somewhat overshadowed by more pressing financial issues, but I am nonetheless proud of achieving a goal I set out almost three years ago. I know this is a milestone, something I will look back on in later years and remember as a turning point, and so wait to grok in fullness.
Thoughts of the future weigh heavy upon me. Thoughts of the past, however, especially recently, are much lighter. Yesterday saw the second of two day hikes for the backpacking class I'm taking. It threatened rain, but none fell until after we were home. We went to Dragon's Tooth, a section of the AT near Roanoke, 5 miles up and back. It was foggy when we reached the top, but cleared enough soon after to reveal most of the next ridge and the valley below us. Kelly's Knob, where we'd liked the Saturday before, had been blanketed in 2 inches of snow, with more drifting down on us, rather heavily at the top. It was wonderful. Our "final" overnight hike will be in two weeks. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for good weather; I don't mind hiking in the rain and cold, but I'd rather not sleep in it, thank you!
And now I'm off again - presumably, to check in on old friends and new. So much time, and so little to do...wait, scratch that, reverse it...
:)
I've been accepted into Virginia Tech's College of Agriculture and Life Sciences, official as of a few days ago. My sense of achievement is somewhat overshadowed by more pressing financial issues, but I am nonetheless proud of achieving a goal I set out almost three years ago. I know this is a milestone, something I will look back on in later years and remember as a turning point, and so wait to grok in fullness.
Thoughts of the future weigh heavy upon me. Thoughts of the past, however, especially recently, are much lighter. Yesterday saw the second of two day hikes for the backpacking class I'm taking. It threatened rain, but none fell until after we were home. We went to Dragon's Tooth, a section of the AT near Roanoke, 5 miles up and back. It was foggy when we reached the top, but cleared enough soon after to reveal most of the next ridge and the valley below us. Kelly's Knob, where we'd liked the Saturday before, had been blanketed in 2 inches of snow, with more drifting down on us, rather heavily at the top. It was wonderful. Our "final" overnight hike will be in two weeks. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for good weather; I don't mind hiking in the rain and cold, but I'd rather not sleep in it, thank you!
And now I'm off again - presumably, to check in on old friends and new. So much time, and so little to do...wait, scratch that, reverse it...
:)
Tuesday, February 20
I'm too tired to care about a silly title
DD dropped me a message the other day asking about my classes, and it reminded me I haven't posted in a while. Working and taking classes (both full-time) at the same time is a lot harder than I thought it would be, lemme tell ya...
Classes are going pretty well. I've had my first round of tests, and I came out with an A and two B's. Still waiting on my first Bio test, I'll get it back tomorrow, but I'm not worried about that one. I'm still thinking about taking summer classes, NRCC offers organic chem as a 10-week course, but I don't know if my schedule will work out.
My betta is no more. He went to the rice paddy in the sky. I don't know why.
If you have not yet seen this movie, go find it in your local art theatre. Or make sure to rent it later. I don't care, just go see it. Just make sure you haven't been doing anything that tends to make you depressed before you see it; it'll do that quite nicely on its own. This movie's brutal. But totally worth it.
I hope Chris finds a decent job soon so I can quit this one. I feel so creatively stifled here! Compared to my last hotel job, this place is so run-down and sad. I do busy work that I shouldn't have to be responsible for just because I'm not supposed to be studying on the clock; thankfully my boss usually leaves about 3 hours into my shift and I can sometimes get some homework done after all. Sometimes, though, I just can't muster the energy to focus. This place drains me. The paycheck helps keep the bills current, though...that's why I'm here.
And so ends my thoughts of the day.
Classes are going pretty well. I've had my first round of tests, and I came out with an A and two B's. Still waiting on my first Bio test, I'll get it back tomorrow, but I'm not worried about that one. I'm still thinking about taking summer classes, NRCC offers organic chem as a 10-week course, but I don't know if my schedule will work out.
R.I.P. Wilson
My betta is no more. He went to the rice paddy in the sky. I don't know why.
Children of Men
If you have not yet seen this movie, go find it in your local art theatre. Or make sure to rent it later. I don't care, just go see it. Just make sure you haven't been doing anything that tends to make you depressed before you see it; it'll do that quite nicely on its own. This movie's brutal. But totally worth it.
Do What You Have to Do
I hope Chris finds a decent job soon so I can quit this one. I feel so creatively stifled here! Compared to my last hotel job, this place is so run-down and sad. I do busy work that I shouldn't have to be responsible for just because I'm not supposed to be studying on the clock; thankfully my boss usually leaves about 3 hours into my shift and I can sometimes get some homework done after all. Sometimes, though, I just can't muster the energy to focus. This place drains me. The paycheck helps keep the bills current, though...that's why I'm here.
And so ends my thoughts of the day.
Thursday, January 25
Dear Diary
Life is good.
I had a great holiday! Chris and I went home to MD to spend Christmas with our families. We spent the day with my dad and stepmom the day before. I wish I could get up to see them more. Christmas morning we opened presents with Chris's family, then he stayed there while I went to the big family gathering at my mom and stepdad's house. Later that night, after all the extended family had gone home, Chris came over and we opened the rest of our presents from my family. I'm not really a materialistic person, but I got some kick-ass gifts! Most exciting was the LOTR box set, which I specifically asked for, and which I spent about a week watching (along with all the accompanying documentaries). I also got a bird feeder from my mom-in-law, and five of the field guides from the Audubon Society. I can't wait for spring!
Chris left the day after Christmas to come home (he had to go back to work), but I stayed for the rest of the week and visited all my friends. Most exciting was when my sister and I spent an evening over in Woodbridge, hanging out with a friend from high school we hadn't seen in about five years. He had my junior yearbook, which I spent a delightful hour browsing through, remembering a lot of good times I had completely forgotten about. It was surprisingly liberating, to realize how different high school actually was from the way I remember it. I also got to spend a day with Fletcher, which also doesn't happen often enough. I miss you, Puck! I even got to hang out with my little brother and his friend Jake, both of whom have turned into incredibly well-rounded and interesting young men. They're 15 now, and both pretty mature for their age. I seriously wish I could be around more often.
Two days before Christmas, Chris was changing the oil in our car when it popped out of gear, rolled off the ramps, down a hill, and into a tree. That's all she wrote - no more Echo. I was heartbroken...I bought that car three years ago, with three miles on it, and I thought I was going to have it until it died. Well, I guess I did, huh? I just thought it would be another ten years or so before it gave up the ghost. Thankfully, there were no serious injuries, although it ran over Chris's knee and and he scraped up his back on the gravel. He limped for a few days, then he was okay. The insurance company paid for a rental, so we were able to go home and see our families, and Toyota financed us for a new Scion. You know, repeat business and all that. Not a bad car, when it's all said and done, but it does have one major drawback...it's white. I can't STAND white cars! But oh, well, beggars can't be choosers, and at least I have power windows and mirrors now. Can't really complain about that.
I got a job last week. I'm working full-time at the hotel right up the street from my house. Not a bad job, really, but I don't think I'm going to be full-time for long. I have almost no time to do my homework, and this semester I absolutely cannot afford to screw up. Why, you ask? Well, I had an admissions appointment today with a counselor from VT, and she told me that as long as my mid-semester grades are anywhere close to my grades from last semester, I'm in. I'M IN!!!! I'm going to Tech in the fall!! WOOOOOHOOOOO!!! :) That's very exciting (duh). I can't tell you how glad I am to be back in school. I actually got depressed after New Years', because I was so bored. I was sleeping 14 hours a day. Not cool.
My mom drove me home New Years' weekend, and my sister and brother-in-law came with. They only stayed overnight, but I got to take them on a short hike up to Wind Rock, which is on the Appalachian Trail, and it has a great view of the mountain range. Even in the wintertime it's breathtaking. The road up to Wind Rock also goes through Mountain Lake resort, the location where Dirty Dancing was filmed. Mom thought that was pretty cool. I took them around campus, and showed them downtown Blacksburg. I'm so glad my mom finally got to come and see where I'm living now, and where I'll be going to school. It was always important to me.
It's snowing here. Not much, and there's a bastard of a wind chill, but it's nice to see snow again. We had an ice storm a few days ago, and the ice was so thick on the pine trees in the yard that the lowest branches were almost on the ground. It all melted the next day, but not before we got out there and took some pictures. Hopefully we can get them developed soon.
School isn't much different from last semester, since I'm taking the same classes. One new teacher, a few different class locations, and my history paper this semester is on Andy Warhol. That's gonna be fun, I'm sure. My backpacking class doesn't start until mid-March. I can't wait!
I guess that's about it for now. It's good to be back.
:)
I had a great holiday! Chris and I went home to MD to spend Christmas with our families. We spent the day with my dad and stepmom the day before. I wish I could get up to see them more. Christmas morning we opened presents with Chris's family, then he stayed there while I went to the big family gathering at my mom and stepdad's house. Later that night, after all the extended family had gone home, Chris came over and we opened the rest of our presents from my family. I'm not really a materialistic person, but I got some kick-ass gifts! Most exciting was the LOTR box set, which I specifically asked for, and which I spent about a week watching (along with all the accompanying documentaries). I also got a bird feeder from my mom-in-law, and five of the field guides from the Audubon Society. I can't wait for spring!
Chris left the day after Christmas to come home (he had to go back to work), but I stayed for the rest of the week and visited all my friends. Most exciting was when my sister and I spent an evening over in Woodbridge, hanging out with a friend from high school we hadn't seen in about five years. He had my junior yearbook, which I spent a delightful hour browsing through, remembering a lot of good times I had completely forgotten about. It was surprisingly liberating, to realize how different high school actually was from the way I remember it. I also got to spend a day with Fletcher, which also doesn't happen often enough. I miss you, Puck! I even got to hang out with my little brother and his friend Jake, both of whom have turned into incredibly well-rounded and interesting young men. They're 15 now, and both pretty mature for their age. I seriously wish I could be around more often.
Two days before Christmas, Chris was changing the oil in our car when it popped out of gear, rolled off the ramps, down a hill, and into a tree. That's all she wrote - no more Echo. I was heartbroken...I bought that car three years ago, with three miles on it, and I thought I was going to have it until it died. Well, I guess I did, huh? I just thought it would be another ten years or so before it gave up the ghost. Thankfully, there were no serious injuries, although it ran over Chris's knee and and he scraped up his back on the gravel. He limped for a few days, then he was okay. The insurance company paid for a rental, so we were able to go home and see our families, and Toyota financed us for a new Scion. You know, repeat business and all that. Not a bad car, when it's all said and done, but it does have one major drawback...it's white. I can't STAND white cars! But oh, well, beggars can't be choosers, and at least I have power windows and mirrors now. Can't really complain about that.
I got a job last week. I'm working full-time at the hotel right up the street from my house. Not a bad job, really, but I don't think I'm going to be full-time for long. I have almost no time to do my homework, and this semester I absolutely cannot afford to screw up. Why, you ask? Well, I had an admissions appointment today with a counselor from VT, and she told me that as long as my mid-semester grades are anywhere close to my grades from last semester, I'm in. I'M IN!!!! I'm going to Tech in the fall!! WOOOOOHOOOOO!!! :) That's very exciting (duh). I can't tell you how glad I am to be back in school. I actually got depressed after New Years', because I was so bored. I was sleeping 14 hours a day. Not cool.
My mom drove me home New Years' weekend, and my sister and brother-in-law came with. They only stayed overnight, but I got to take them on a short hike up to Wind Rock, which is on the Appalachian Trail, and it has a great view of the mountain range. Even in the wintertime it's breathtaking. The road up to Wind Rock also goes through Mountain Lake resort, the location where Dirty Dancing was filmed. Mom thought that was pretty cool. I took them around campus, and showed them downtown Blacksburg. I'm so glad my mom finally got to come and see where I'm living now, and where I'll be going to school. It was always important to me.
It's snowing here. Not much, and there's a bastard of a wind chill, but it's nice to see snow again. We had an ice storm a few days ago, and the ice was so thick on the pine trees in the yard that the lowest branches were almost on the ground. It all melted the next day, but not before we got out there and took some pictures. Hopefully we can get them developed soon.
School isn't much different from last semester, since I'm taking the same classes. One new teacher, a few different class locations, and my history paper this semester is on Andy Warhol. That's gonna be fun, I'm sure. My backpacking class doesn't start until mid-March. I can't wait!
I guess that's about it for now. It's good to be back.
:)
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